Ice Pirates (1984) Episode 502

[00:00:00] In a galaxy of worlds with no water, no solar babies, and a space herpy, Jason, Roscoe, and their crew of Ice Pirates will save the princess and seek out the seventh world.

[00:00:17] There are a lot of bad movies out there. Listen as we try to find the ones that are so bad they're actually good. Is it just bad? Or is it exceptionally bad? Bad movies with your friends. Bad movies with your friends. Oh yeah.

[00:00:46] Hi, welcome to Exceptionally Bad. I'm Ben. I'm Brant. I'm Bracken. I'm Nate. I'm Danny. Welcome back to our second episode of Season 5. Today, we watched a film called Ice Pirates from 1984. This is a movie, I think before tonight... Am I the only one who had seen this? I'd never seen it. I think you are the only one.

[00:01:16] Okay. I saw it back in... I saw it in 1985 when it was on VHS at a friend's... he had a sleepover birthday party and we watched it. And as we were watching it again tonight, I realized that I knew this film so well that I had definitely seen it multiple times. But it's been... I mean, I was still a kid when I watched it. But... So, is it alright if I mention something real quick? Yeah, yeah.

[00:01:44] So like when we talked about, hey, we're gonna watch Ice Pirates. So, this movie to me was like a lot of TV shows, because in my mind I'm thinking it's on the ocean. Right. It's like maybe in Antarctica. Yes. Or the Arctic or something, but it is not. No. From the title you would not think that this movie is what this movie is. It's very cool.

[00:02:10] And not to spoil too much, but there's very little ice in this Ice Pirate movie. Yeah. Well, and then... you guys remember the Far Side comic strip? Yeah. Yeah. So, one I always remember was the Ice Crusades. I don't know. Where it's just... you know, because usually like a single frame comic strip. Yeah. And it says on the bottom of the Ice Crusades and there's like knights that are like skating across a frozen lake. Oh, like ice capades. Ice Crusades. Nice. So, it's like ships and soldiers like skating across this.

[00:02:40] So, that's what always came to mind when you mentioned Ice Pirates. So... That's not far off. Yeah. Um, before we get into the film, I don't know, do you all... What do you think? This is a movie that is basically about pirates. It's also about space. Um, do you all have any like favorite memories of movies that are either pirate movies or space movies from the 80s? I... I was a big fan of The Last Starfighter. Okay. It does... I don't think it has anything to do with ice. No.

[00:03:09] But it was... that was like my jam for space movies. Video games. Excluding Star Wars and things like that. Yeah. The obvious ones. Yeah. It was video games and like Star Wars. Yeah, it was. Yep. So, how could you go wrong? And the dream of like, oh, I'm gonna be so good at video games that somebody from a different galaxy is gonna come and get me. Yes. Yes. Take me to space! Forget being a YouTuber. I'm gonna be the savior of the galaxy. That's right. So, there... There's two that come to mind. Uh huh. One good, one bad. Okay.

[00:03:39] Like, I think that The Flight of the Navigator still kind of holds up even though it's very much a product of its time. Yeah. Um, and I think... Have we had Sarah Jessica Parker in any of our movies? Cause she's in that movie. It's like her first movie. Okay. Um, and the other one... Do you guys remember Space Camp? Yes. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That was... I was... You know, that may... Was that still the 80s? It was. But it was just like, every kid's dream, you're like, they end up in the space shuttle and they accidentally get launched.

[00:04:08] You know, so it's like, it just hit you right where your little kid heart was. Yeah. Even though I think if we were to watch it now, you're like, this is a terrible movie. But... It's probably on the list of maybe we could watch it someday. Yeah. What didn't come up in the suggested movies. That's true. So, uh, here's another question. Uh, the premise of this film is, or the overarching premise is that water has become scarce in the universe.

[00:04:34] And so now it's the most precious and most valuable object around. And it is the currency. It's everything. Uh, have we ever heard that premise in any other movies before? Well, yeah. I think Mad Max. Okay. And then I think of, you know, some of our other movies that we've watched. The show. Solar Babies. Solar Babies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Water World. Wait, no, no, no. Not Water World.

[00:05:03] It's the opposite. I mean, technically Water World, they are short on drinking water. Drinkable water, right? Yeah. Because... And land. And land, yeah. I don't know. Isn't Kevin Costner like a merman in that? Yes. Kind of, yeah. Kind of. He's like the deep from the boys. Okay. Human, but can chill with fish. Don't they need... Don't they need bathing water in that movie too? Yeah. They all look sweaty. Right, they're all dirty. Yeah, right. Sweaty. Anyway.

[00:05:32] Okay, does anyone want to give a... Let's get into this movie. Does someone want to cover the plot real quickly in like two sentences? I could, yeah, I could give it a try. Try it. And right before I say it, I say this is one of the movies we watched that actually it followed, it had an internal logic that it followed. It wasn't one of those wild... Okay. I mean, there were some things you're like, what are they doing? Yeah. So basically, you've got our main cast, the ice pirates, they're our heroes. Yeah.

[00:06:01] And they go around stealing ice, like Ben mentioned, ice is the currency and... Ice is how water is transported. Right. And so they go and they... Is it an empire? I don't know. But they steal some ice from the empire or whoever. Yeah. And they... They are the Templars. Yeah, the Templars. And then they... There's a princess on board that ship for some reason, and for some reason they take her. And then they get caught pretty easily and they end up in prison.

[00:06:26] And then she helps them escape and they go and they're looking for this mythical seventh world that's a water planet. Yes. Because all the other water planets were destroyed in the intergalactic war or something. Right. And, you know, things ensue. You know, they fight the bad guys. They go to the... And then... Then they ultimately end up at the... Right. Um...

[00:06:50] So I always wondered why it was called the seventh planet, because it's Earth that they're looking for. What? Yeah. Oh, you similar. But I think... I figured it out just now. It's like Planet of the Apes. They're really on Earth. No, but why isn't it called the third planet? It's... They probably went to six other planets before they get to Earth. I think what it was... Remember, this was a time when Pluto was still a planet. And if you numbered them starting from the outside in, Earth is seven.

[00:07:21] Right. In the movie, they talked about, like, during that war, that one of the water planets... Because there were six other... There were seven water planets in that lore they were talking about. And that the seventh one got knocked off its orbit during the war. Spun out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean... Also, it doesn't matter. Right. I mean, they could have called it the dark planet, or the wet world, or anything. I think it's just a name. Yeah, or Planet X. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:07:51] And, uh... They weren't following our particular solar system. NASA had no part of this naming convention. Right. Well, yeah. And then, I mean, everything's talked about in its own terms, you know, which is, again, kind of makes sense. Like, I'd give you 15 gallons for this, you know, because water's the currency. And... Yeah. But, uh... Yeah, but nobody believed it. It was like a legend, because... Yeah. This is like 10,000 years after this war or something. Yeah, that's right.

[00:08:21] And so no one believes that there is this planet. And the Templars, who are the powerhouse, and like... I guess they have the only planet that has water on it. And... So they control everything. And they don't want anyone to find the seventh planet, because... Unless it's them. Because then they'll lose control over everything. They'll lose their monopoly. Yep. Always comes down to money. Yep. Root of all evil. There's no antitrust laws anymore. Big water.

[00:08:54] So, uh, this movie... Um... Basically, I mean, it's a comedy. Um... But it's also got a lot of, like, real sci-fi kind of... Well, like you said, it kind of follows its own rules, right? Um... Like, there was intention to make it real sci-fi and not just, like, completely hacked together. It wasn't Star Crash. Right, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was a real thing.

[00:09:21] I also feel like, just as a warning, it's kind of like a sex comedy, too. A little bit. I mean, it's a 1980s comedy. It's an 80s comedy that it's got... It's an 80s comedy that it's got... They have some... Innuendos. Innuendos. Yeah. It's raunch without a whole bunch of full frontal boobs and stuff. Yeah. Right. Just... Just a family-friendly warning. Forkeys in space. Yeah. Just a family-friendly warning, you know. Right. Let's make our way, I guess...

[00:09:48] Let's just kind of go through the movie and just talk about it. So, at the very beginning, there's the intro scene where... Oh, I guess it's the pirates land on this big giant ship and they're going to steal the ice from it. And they sneak in and they come across... They open a door and... Who is it who answers the door? It's the maid from the Bridgerton series that just shows up.

[00:10:18] In costume. The 1850s maid outfits. Yes. So, these people... First of all, the pirates themselves are dressed as a cross between medieval people and pirates. Like... Like Pirates of the Caribbean pirates, right? I would say it's eclectic costuming like a Mad Max movie. Yeah. In some ways. Or Jim Cotta. Yeah. And then some characters are not dressed like that. That's true. Like, the soldiers have like knights...

[00:10:48] They have chain mail. Chain mail. Yeah. And... I mean, I think like crap all you want, but at least it was consistent in who the enemies were. Like, you could always tell who they were. Yeah, because they looked like the Knights Templar. They looked like the Knights Templar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the pirates were... Pirate-y. In various eras of pirates. Angelica Houston, who looked like sci-fi... Very scary. She looked like Tina Turner from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. That's true. Yeah. It was fun to see her though. She's so great.

[00:11:18] And Ron Perlman, he looks like Mr. Smee at some point. That's right. Who has some amazing ability to heal himself, I guess? Yeah. Because he loses his hands like five minutes into the movie. Well, for that matter, Jason is the main character, right? Yeah. He gets like the front of his boot chopped off and never addressed. Yeah. So I don't know if people can like heal really well. I don't know. They evolved without water. They just heal. So...

[00:11:44] They get greeted by the maid and they like cover her mouth, you know, and then they go in and what do they find? Well, like a little R2-D2-esque robot. Yeah. Like goes and warns the guards. Yes, that's right. And then they come back and they knock on the door. And so... Is Roscoe is the... Roscoe, yeah. Roscoe's like, no, everything's fine. I thought I saw a mouse. Yeah. And they're like, oh, should we come in? They're like, no, it's just the ravings of an old woman. You know, like... No one would buy that voice, right? Yeah.

[00:12:14] Roscoe played by Michael D. Roberts. And so, yeah. And then they find... The princess. And it's like Princess Aurora. Or no, which one is it? Sleeping Beauty. Sleeping Beauty. Whoever's sleeping in a glass coffin, right? Or Snow White. Snow White in the glass coffin. She's asleep. And she's in like a human-sized bong, right? Yeah. There's all this steam vapor all around her. Yeah.

[00:12:44] It's if she's vaping. Yes. Something. She's obviously supposed to be in some kind of cryo sleep or something. And the first thing he does is just completely perv on her. Yes, he does. He tries to look down her dress. Totally gets caught. Somebody walks in right at the right moment. Well, he's like, we should take her. And Roscoe says, no. Jason's like, we should take her. And Roscoe says, no, we shouldn't. We should just get the ice and stuff. Yeah. And then he was like... He's like, what happened to like rape and pillage? Like that was... Because that's what pirates do, right? Yeah. That's what he said.

[00:13:15] So they go, they get the ice. Things turn sour. There's some battles. So they've also always got these robots with them. Yeah, these robots. Really terrible robots. Generic. Yeah. Well, just faulty. Yeah. Like Roscoe was working on them and I don't think he fixed them up properly or something. It's like he gets them from junkyards and tries to get them to work the best he can. Spaceteamoo.com. Right. Yeah. They're not spelt like C-3PO. No.

[00:13:41] They're bulky and you think they're strong and muscular, but they're kind of like slow and just dumb. So they're built like a person in football pads. Yeah. But they move as jankily as C-3PO does. Right. It's like if a football team was on a bus, crashed through a super glue factory, and then also crashed through a radio shack. Yeah. That's what all the robots look like. That's a very good description. Because they move super jank. Yeah.

[00:14:11] Well, they also have to pass through an aviary because remember at the beginning they were like cooing like pigeons. Oh, yeah. Right. Right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And they lend some of the comic relief throughout the film. Right. Just with how ridiculously they're not working they are. So the reason they have them is because the Empire people, the Templars also have the same type of robots but much better. Yeah. And so they have them to fight other robots and they're cowards. Yes.

[00:14:41] They get turned around. They attack their own guys. They kick each other. Yeah. They commit suicide. Yeah. They undo the whole. That was pretty great. They committed robots. Seppuku or whatever. Yeah. And. Oh, my gosh. So they get. They actually kidnap the princess. So they get their ice. They get the princess. They get onto their ship and they fly away.

[00:15:06] But then the bad guy ships catch up to them and board them, capture them. Well, so they split the ship. Oh, that's right. So the. So. Like Volta. Two thirds of the crew actually escapes because they get into the other. That's right. So. Yeah. You know, like when the Enterprise, how the disk can come off. Yeah. They have their ship splits into three. Yeah. So the main ship gets boarded and they get captured. Yeah. Yeah. And they get. They get. They get.

[00:15:45] They get. Zorn. Zorn. Oh, wow. Played by Jeremy West. Yeah. And he's just like. Kind of looks like Jafar. Kind of looks like. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's a sniveling little. He looks like the human equivalent of the Prince John from the animated. Yes. Robin Hood movie. Yeah. Yeah. Very sniveling. Very conniving. Really good. Yeah, he was. He was great guy.

[00:16:11] He captures him and he's going to sentence him to death, but he has a better idea. He decides. Well, he tells us. I'm going to give you something much worse than death. And then we cut to them and they're stuck in a cage with a bunch of other criminals. They meet this big guy. What's his name? Like kill. Killjoy. Played by John Matusik. Yeah. And he's like a thief. And he like a petty.

[00:16:38] He's basically everything he needs to be to survive. Yes, he is. He's like Mr. McGuffin. Yeah. He's MacGyver. Yeah. Then they find out that they're about to be turned into eunuchs because the eunuchs become the like slaves or the servants. They're like the indentured labor force. Right. In like jazzercise leotards. That's right. With white hair. With white curly hair.

[00:17:06] Like everybody has a white afro. Yeah. Whether you're no matter what race you are. Roscoe's white afro was amazing. They get. They escape. They escape. Yeah. They escape the castration machine right at the last moment. The princess helps them. The princess saves them. Yeah. Because she needs their help. Can you describe how the castration works? Yeah. There was like a conveyor belt and you know that that was kind of an interesting thing because

[00:17:36] they had like all these different stations stations where they're checking ears and they're cleaning teeth and they're pain shots. It was like a what do you call it? Like an assembly line. Assembly line. Yeah. I was thinking it was like the assembly line of like the car factory. Like the tin man in like Wizard of Oz when they're giving him a overhaul or whatever. Oh yeah. And but they were all doing that went down and then right at the end you know after they've

[00:18:02] they've taken off their shirts and they've they've shaved them clean like their faces and gotten them all clean and checked everything. Then they at the very end there's these giant metal like chomping teeth. Like a bear trap. Yeah. A bear trap that's like you know. Drops down between their legs. Exactly know where they're coming with their their feet legs going towards the the bear trap. And they're screaming and then they come out on the other side and they're still screaming and

[00:18:32] they're told basically I that the princess rescued them but now they owe her one. And they need to act like yeah. Yeah. But they yeah that's right. They have to act their part. Act like it like act like they had the procedure done. Nate you I think have the deepest voice of all of us. Could you do a demonstration of what a eunuch sounds like in this movie? Yes movie. Yeah Brad I can. Every one of them talks like that. It's so funny. Well then Roscoe slips up and yeah.

[00:19:02] Yeah. That was like what do you mean? And the nurse told. Yeah. Nurse lady she's like. And he's like I mean. Yeah. What do you mean? So they're wearing white leotard like unitards. And they have white hair. Tight pants. Yes. To be fair like not to make it weird but I don't know how they were smuggling away that they were not eunuchs because those are very form fitting. Well they go into that room and the lady is like pulling the pants up. Yeah.

[00:19:32] And she's like how does that fit? And they're like it's really tight. And she's like good. And she is not very good at quality assurance. So then they're serving. They're doing their job serving stuff at some kind of party. Like with really weird dancing. Oh yeah. That's a weird scene. There's a lot of like jazz hands. Yes. But like. Oh. Put your hands in front of your partner and then shake your hands. It's almost like they're doing the tango but instead of like being in the dancer position

[00:20:02] the woman's like doing jazz hands. Yeah. So it reminded me of the Romeo and Juliet movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. I'm pretty sure there's a dance scene in that. I think you're right. Or maybe it's not even that. It's like I know definitely in A Knight's Tale there's one where they have. I think that might be the one you're thinking of. They. You know everybody's like dressed in middle whatever medieval costumes and they're doing this choreographed dance. Well it's like a masquerade ball so they have the mask that they hold in their hand

[00:20:31] but they move it and they've got like a mask painted on their face. And they're all looking right at the camera as they do it. Like this was a whole thing to camera. It was a fourth wall party. Yeah. And then there were people doing being served some sort of drug that make them float up to the air. Float up to the ceiling. Yeah. Like in Mary Poppins? Yes. Exactly. Because they're like. Willy Wonka? Yeah. Yes. They seem to be euphoric up there.

[00:21:00] The princess grabs them and says come on we've got to go. We've got the ship ready. We're going to be able to take off because we're going to go find my dad or something like that. Right. So they leave but then the bad guys chase them and there's like. Oh no this is where they escape into the police car. On the motorcycle. Yeah. Oh my gosh. The motorcycle and then the police car with you know. Spikes. Yeah like spike like a spike cattle prod. Yeah. On the front of it.

[00:21:29] And they're like driving down the hallways of buildings and stuff. It's weird. And so then Roscoe and Killjoy get separated from. Yeah. Jason and the. What's her name? Princess Mary? Karina. Karina. Karina. Oh Mary I think the actress's name. Yeah. Mary something. Crosby. Mary Crosby. They get separated. And then there's a very questionable robot. Stereotype. Very. Yeah. He was a jive robot. He was like a jive turkey robot. What would he.

[00:21:58] What would he call him the Pipitron 4000? Because he was. Yeah. He was very. Well because. So most. Like we would mention most of the robots are like dark. Or gunmetal gray or black. Or the. Or the. Or the. R2D2 ish type ones. Right. Or white. Yep. He was like. A prism. Like multi color. Yeah. He had a. Television screen with. With maybe inappropriate images on it. Yeah.

[00:22:27] And he was just like yeah I got ladies for you. And it was very much. Blood. He was a pimp. Yeah he kept calling him blood. Yeah. But. It was 80s. Like. Yeah. Making fun of black people humor. Yeah. Yeah. Well there was even. Yeah. Having said that. Talking about the robots. Do you remember the family of R2D2 type robots? This is during the same thing. In that summer. There's a big one. A medium one. And a baby one. All walking. Or rolling. Beside each other.

[00:22:59] The motorcycle hits one. And then the police car hits the other side. And there's just the one in the middle. And it's going. Mommy. Daddy. Yeah. When the. After the motorcycle hits the first one. You can tell that it's just a paint bucket. Yeah. That's a five gallon bucket. Like a five gallon bucket. I love that scene. Mommy. Daddy. Daddy. I love that the editor watched that. And be like. That's good to go. That's good. Yeah. That's good.

[00:23:28] Roll with it. So they escape. And they go to a bar somewhere. Yeah. Oh, no, they go to the pirate planet. Yeah, to another planet. Where here everyone is not dressed like Middle Ages. They're all dressed like Pirates of the Caribbean. I mean, like 1800s, 1700s, 1800s. Roscoe's wearing a Napoleon costume. Some kind of admiral outfit. Yeah, with big flat epaulettes on it. It does kind of feel like a Mad Max situation where it's like,

[00:23:59] these are just the clothes that still exist. That are around, yeah. Yeah, they find a contact, somebody with a car. It's a frog lady. And there's a woman that we kept thinking was a lady from Poltergeist. Oh, that's right. It's not her. She was the waitress. She sounded just like, what's her name? Zelda Rubenstein. The short lady from Poltergeist. The psychic, yeah. Is she a sister? Same voice. No, not that I could see.

[00:24:27] She's a different name, different lady. But she sounded exactly like her. Patti Maloney is her. Yeah. Same height, too. Same height. Yeah. We thought it was her. We had to look it up. You could put some sunglasses on her and probably. Oh, totally. Like, she could pass. If she said Carol Ann, I would have been like, yep, it's her. This ice is clean. Yep. This ice is clean. Yeah. That kind of blew Ben's mind because you were adamant that she was the same person. You've seen this one before.

[00:24:56] Yeah, and I was looking it up and I was like, as I was looking it up, I'm listening to it. I'm like, that is her voice 100%. Yeah. Like, her accent's a little bit Southern and stuff. I was like, that's definitely her. But it wasn't. It's crazy. They're doppelgangers. Yeah. What I liked, so as they're going and doing all the bar stuff, was the fight scene with what's her name. Angelica Houston. Yeah. Yes.

[00:25:24] And, like, I don't know. Maybe someone can explain or describe that fight scene where the. Oh, yeah. You feeling better? You feeling okay? Yeah. Where the heads just. Somebody explain that. Oh, wow. I don't know what that guy's name is, but his boss, his name is Patch. Yeah. Because he had a patch. Because he had my patch. I mean, they really went heavy on the names on this one. So, Jason got up because he was asked to go sit with somebody else, another alien. To try and work out getting a ride out to this place. Yeah.

[00:25:53] And the princess is sitting there by herself, basically, well, with Angelica Houston. And she gets asked to dance with some other guy. The patch. I felt like he was, like, the Billy Dee Williams-esque character. But he was, like, a bad guy. I don't know why I thought he was Billy Dee Williams. But, anyway, he has, like, a patch on his eye. And he asked her. And she's, like, no, thank you. And he's, like, no, you don't understand. You've got to dance with me. Yeah. And he's got another guy that's, like, you're going to dance with him.

[00:26:24] The enforcer. Yeah. Like, and you're going to like it. And she's, like, Angelica Houston's, like, no. She's, like, back up. And she whips out her sword and takes them on and wins. Well, and the guy cuts the table in half. Well, he does, like, this crazy flurry. And you think that she's getting chopped up. And then he scabbards his sword. And the table just falls apart. Yep. And then they actually fight. And he does get a shot in. And so she's got, like, a scar.

[00:26:50] Yeah, he breaks her little symbol right across her chest. Yeah. Yeah, and cuts some skin. Cuts something off. Yeah. So then she strikes back. And then you still stand there kind of smile and laugh. She's, like, you feeling okay? And his throat's bleeding. And then his throat starts bleeding. His head falls off. He nods his head. He leans his head back. And we see his throat bleeding. And then he leans it forward to nod yes. And it just keeps going. Oh, gross. Yeah. And that kind of describes Angelica Houston's character in this movie. Like, you don't mess with her.

[00:27:20] Yeah, she was awesome at all. She was really cool. Yeah. Well, then she tells Patch to apologize to both of them. Yes. And he does. And she doesn't think it's sincere enough. So she slaps. Inigo Montoya. Yeah, I was going to say. Yeah, absolutely. Gives him the cheek slashes. Inigo Montoya. And then he's like, I'm sorry. Yeah. This did predate Princess Bride. Okay. So. Well, but everyone knows that. Yeah. And I'm just saying, like, they didn't rip off the movie. But, yeah. That's probably the inspiration for Princess Bride. It probably is. Could be. Right there.

[00:27:53] Manny Patinkin's like, wait a minute. Have you seen Ice Pirates? Yeah. I didn't understand. So, like, they get to this guy that ends up having his head. It's just his head. Oh, later on. That's later. Bruce Delance? Or no? No, they go to the. First they go to the desert place. Yeah, they go out to. With the frog lady. They go out to the frog lady to go out and find Lanky Nibs. Yeah. So, the frog lady has a crush on Jason and he has to kind of humor her as she drives them

[00:28:22] out in her car out to the middle of the desert. Very Mad Max-y. Yes. Because they're on this desert and then they go to these. It's a solar-powered car. Domed town where they're, like, they look like. Just a bunch of ripped tents. Yeah. So, I was confused by that. Population 1. Because they talk about Sweetwater. Like, oh, Sweetwater. Oh, Sweetwater. And it's out in the middle of nowhere. It's 50 miles out of town that they're on this stupid solar-powered, like, race car-looking thing. And they get there and it's, like, Population 1.

[00:28:52] Yeah. It looks like it has not been populated forever. Right. So, I really don't understand, like, what the appeal is. Like, it shouldn't even have a name. Right. It's probably like a robber's roost type situation. It was probably a place where outlaws would kind of hang out. Yeah. There must have been some sort of water collection or something there. I guess. I don't know. It was probably Burning Man in the off-season. That's what it looked like. So, like, I take issue with that population sign. There were two donkeys. Oh, what did that? Two pigs.

[00:29:21] Two pigs and several ducks. The sign said. What did the sign say? Yeah. Uh, trespassers will be violated. Yes. Yeah. So, there was two donkeys, two pigs, and a little gaggle of ducklings. Little young donkeys and little baby pigs. Baby donkeys and baby pigs. Well, and then also those Caddyshack gopher things. Oh, that's right. Were all over the place. Caddyshack, yeah. The Linky Nibs was using his wrist rock.

[00:29:49] Yeah, they kept sticking their heads out of the ground and looking. They were obviously puppets. That guy was old. Yeah. But he was... He was supposed to be the same age as Jason. Yeah. And he's like, what happened to you? And he says, oh, the time warp. Got caught in the time warp. 20 seconds in there gave me 20 years. Or something like that. I will say, like, I don't want to spoil the end here too early, but I think there are a lot of things that they plant early on. Oh, yeah. They foreshadow, right? They actually... You have no idea. They pay off.

[00:30:17] Because we were like, why on earth are they bringing these donkeys and these pigs onto the ship? Like, you have no resources. Like, why are you bringing on more mouths to feed? And then there's just a bunch of other things like that where they... You know, the time warp. I was in there for 20 seconds in 20 years. But it plays a big part later on. But it gets introduced, and it gets introduced in an organic way. Totally, yeah. Because he's like, dude, Lenky, what happened to you? Yeah. Yeah. And the payoff was good. Yeah. For sure.

[00:30:47] Yeah. So the Patch and his crew show up in their big Mad Max vehicle. With a huge stall in front of it. Which is like a truck with regular wheels, but then it has two big giant cardboard wheels on the outside that are, like, rolling. But it's not actually driving on those. It's driving on the regular car wheels underneath. And then a big plaster skull on the front. Yeah, a big plaster skull with spikes. With the giant spikes. Yeah. Yeah. And they kill the frog lady first thing.

[00:31:17] Poor lady. Blows up. I mean, I could almost smell the burnt cabbage. Were there? She looked like she had a cabbage head. Were there two of those cars? I don't know, because I thought that car blew up too. I thought they blew up the car. That's what I thought. That's why I made the comment about... I was like, did they just blow up her? And just leave the car intact? You know, I wonder if... What's his name? Lanky? I wonder if he had his own car. I wonder if that was Lanky's car. They get into it at the end. Yeah. But yeah, so that was fun. Like they...

[00:31:44] Oh, so I don't know his name, but the princess has a robot. Percy. Percy. And he's differentiated because he has a bow tie and cuffs. Yeah. Yeah. And he's very prim and proper. And he actually talks. Like, they don't all talk, but he talks like a butler. Yeah. Like a British butler. And he gets run over. Yes. By Patch's crew, and it's quite funny looking. Yeah. Yeah. And... And then later you see... But he's fine. He just pops. He pops up, and then he sees him coming again. He lays back down. He lays back down. Yeah.

[00:32:15] Yeah. But they survive. I don't remember how they... And then they... They walked back. They had to walk. The corn ladies? Oh, yeah. That's right. They walked 50 miles back to town. They walked back to town. It just kind of cuts to them back on the ship. With all the animals. Yeah. With the two dogs. With the two pigs. With the animals. Yeah. So they get back on their ship, and... Oh, Lanky has told them, hey, I know your father, the princess's father. He's a good guy, and he really found the seventh planet, and you should go find him. And he's on planet blah, blah, blah. Yeah. The tri... Whatever. The triple...

[00:32:44] Tri-planet. Yeah, whatever. Some planet. He tells them where to go. And so that's where they go to the planet of smoky Amazons. Smoky Amazons. That smells like eggs. They're being tracked. Hot unicorns. Oh, yeah. They're being tracked. The rotten egg swamp, planet of the Amazons. Yeah. Was this before or after the mysterious egg hatches? Oh. No, that happens... That happens before they get to the pirate planet. That's right, because it's the ship that they stole when they rescued the princess. Okay.

[00:33:15] Who wants to explain the mysterious egg? Well, I'll start off with this. I mean, they've taken the ship. It's no one's ship. They've stolen it. And they open up a door and it's a closet and all this stuff falls out. One of the things that falls out is like this gross egg. I mean, it looks like... First, I thought it was just like wadded up paper. Yeah. Or a rock. Yeah. It kind of looks like a facehugger pod, like a facehugger egg, but smaller. And if it weren't attached to the ground, like if it were free. Yeah.

[00:33:44] I mean, it's kind of brownish, grayish, yellowish. Like, kind of almost like just like even just a wasp's nest. Oh, yeah. Kind of. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking like the gremlins pods. Yes. But not as messy as those. Right. No. It was very dry. Yeah. Yeah. There's no water. It's fair. Fair. And it just rolls out and kind of like rolls under a desk or something. Yeah. And they don't pick it up. Yeah. They don't even notice it. But it hatches. And this gross like worm slug thing with a little face.

[00:34:13] It's got like... No, it's like one of the dune worms with all of the teeth. And little eyes. But like if a little face crawled out of that. Yeah. And it flipped all the teeth on the outside so that it had like a spiked collar and then a little face of... You ever seen the ghoulies? Yeah. It was like a ghoulie's face. It's... Well, I love how it hatched because... Do you remember those water weenie things? Yes. Where it's like... It's filled with water and like glitter. And you can't hold it. You can't hold it. Yeah. It's always sliding around. It turns inside out. Yeah. Like that's how it was birthed.

[00:34:43] That's what it looked like. And the face like popped out of the middle of that. Yeah. Yeah. It was horrifying. It was gross. It would run away very quickly. Yes. Like the alien creature in Alien. It jumped on Roscoe. It attacks Roscoe. It would almost tickle on like a snail like... Yeah. You know, like a flat bottom. Yeah. Like a slug. Yeah, a slug. It's got wheels. And I thought it was funny too. But it was fast. Well, until it's on something. Yeah. And then it's like slowly inching over Roscoe. Like climbing seductively on his shoulder. Takes a little nibble. Yeah.

[00:35:13] And then is off like a rocket. Yeah. So that's the space herpy. Yeah. Yeah. They look it up on the manifest and find out that it's a space herpy. And it's on the ship. Can we pause here for just two seconds? What was the point of the space herpy? Oh. Like it honestly, it added nothing to the movie. It's so you could make a, you got herpes joke. Yeah. Sure. I think, yeah. I think it was a herpy reference. They're like, how could we get an STD in this movie? Right. We'll talk about space herpy.

[00:35:43] And we'll all look at each other knowingly when we're talking. Because there's, yeah, there's a conversation. You didn't tell us that the... Yeah. You didn't tell us that the herpes... How long have you known? Yeah. And you didn't tell us? That's important that you told us. Unforgivable that you didn't tell us that there's herpes. And he's like, it's not as bad as you think. That's not what I heard. Yeah. So that's the whole reason for that. That was it. That was it. And it was just as fun. I delivered it just as well as I did. Yes, you did.

[00:36:12] So let's see. They go to the planet that's the smoky Amazons. Yeah. There's all these Amazon women. Riding unicorns. Oh, yes. Yeah, they go through a cloud of fog and then they somehow appear in what seems to be a movie theater lobby. Like an Art Deco 1920s movie theater lobby. Lots of stairs, but like the big red carpet-y kind of stuff. So we know they're Amazons because they just wear bikinis. That's right.

[00:36:41] And that's where we're introduced to Bruce the Lance. Yes. The comedian. I feel bad for that unicorn that had its horn. Yeah. Stab one of the robots and its horn comes off. Yeah. It was messed up. Well, he did kind of have it coming. Yeah. Because he was charging. Are unicorns like bees? So if they stab someone, then they're dead? Then they die. I don't know. That one didn't die. If they stab you with their horn, then it sticks in you and they die shortly after. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

[00:37:18] Nope. We're before the nerd. Yeah. Wait. Would you call those unicorns? Unicorns? Stop it. Stop it. That was a dad joke right there. Thank you. Brent will be here all week. Oh. Oh. Oh. Okay. And we can wrap. Oh. And this is our last episode. Going out on the high note.

[00:37:45] That's so weird, right? Yes. That should have been in the trailer for the movie. So Bruce Blanche, that's his name, right? Yeah. Yeah. So did he have his head cut off before or was he always disembodied? Yeah. So he was sitting on this body. Like a throne or something. But his head was sitting on a body, but it looked weird.

[00:38:13] Like his shoulders were almost at the height of his head. He also looked too wide. Yeah. Like he had really weird dimensions. It was a fake body. Yeah. Okay. So he was disembodied the whole time. But we didn't know that. Right. Right. Wendon is the character. Wendon. Yeah. Yeah. He seems very annoying. Do we know what his character was? Like it seems like he was like a consort or some kind of like assistant to the dad who is now kind of like, been like, I rule the Amazons now because I'm the closest thing to my loyalty. Right.

[00:38:41] I got the impression he was some sort of mob boss though. Yeah. Because he had a lot of water. Sure. Yeah. And so. Thanks to your father, he says. I mean, and he even like has one of the Amazons bring him a tumbler and he just takes a drink of water. Right. Yeah. Casually. So for reference, this movie came out in 1984. Yeah. And he was seriously wearing the same glasses that I've always, I mean, maybe not the same pair of glasses. Bruce Valanche is known for wearing big glasses. Yeah.

[00:39:08] Maybe like red framed Sally Jesse Raphael type glasses. But it seemed like he already had his look down back in 1984 compared to what I'm used to seeing him doing with the glasses. And he has that, that beard that is, it's almost like his hair and his beard are one, like a halo around his face. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That frames his face. Like he fell asleep in the perm chair and they just did the whole thing. The whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.

[00:39:36] He says, I've got your father down in the oval room. They go and they talk to the father, but it's really just a robot. It's not the real father. And she knows. She knows immediately. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yep. You got to back up. Okay. Okay. Because they get lippy with him. So the Amazons attack them. Oh, that's right. There's a whole wrestle scene. Well, and then Roscoe, who did not get captured. Yeah. He shows up and he swings off of. Some tassel or something. He swings off one of the theater ropes. With the ice. Or is that later? No, that's later.

[00:40:06] He swings off one of the theater ropes right down and fights with the Amazons. That's right. And then they get hold of Wendon's head. Doesn't he? I think that's his first strike. Yeah. He does a flying kick into his chest and knocks his head off. And the head falls off. Yeah. And again, I think the whole thing with the Amazons is just so you could have this wrestling scene. Right. Yeah. Because, yeah. How did you describe it? I wasn't sure if it was a fight scene or an orgy scene. It was hard to tell.

[00:40:36] I mean, there was a little bit of fog, but there was a lot of skin. The fog of war. Let's just say there was a lot of skin. The fog of war. Yeah. Bracken had a thousand yard stare at the end of that scene. He'd seen some things. So they get information. So the father actually leaves clues. And the princess figures it out. And they find out. Oh, they find the little. They find the ring in Wendon's mouth. Yeah.

[00:41:06] The little hologram. That's right. Wendon's got it in his mouth. It's a little Obi-Wan Kenobi type. Oh, a spinning ring. Yeah. And it comes up and it says, help me, Obi-Wan. You're the only. No. It tells them the coordinates to go to to find the seventh planet. Dun, dun, dun. And that they are going to go through the time warp. It's super important that they don't veer off the course at all. Like not even half a degree. Yep. Not at all.

[00:41:34] And so then they're like, okay, we know the way. And so then they start heading for the seventh planet. And they. After they enter the time warp is when they find. Right when they get to the time warp. They find out that the Templars have been tracking and following them. The whole time. It was all part of their plan. A super advanced spaceship. Because apparently it's five times faster than anything. Yes. Well, it's also because of the. They're in the time warp now. Oh, right.

[00:42:04] They did say that, didn't they? Yeah. It's so. And actually the time warp was really great. Yeah. It was a great scene. Like I really enjoyed the whole concept and all the scenes. So explain what happens in the time warp. And explain why all those callbacks to all of those other random things pay off in this one scene. So in the in-universe legend, the seventh planet got knocked out of its orbit. And no one knows where it is. Because I think maybe it even got sucked into like the center of the universe or something.

[00:42:34] And so after they hit this certain coordinates, it's some sort of time warp. I don't know if that's like a black hole or I don't know. I don't know. I'm not good enough. It's like time dilation somehow. Right. If you've seen Interstellar and you understand it, you'll get this. I mean. If you've seen Lightyear. Yeah. Yeah. Or maybe Dr. Hood's is there's a TARDIS door opens and you fly out a different one. I don't know. But like. But anyway, so they get into. When they enter this, whatever the time warp is. Like time speeds up. Yeah.

[00:43:04] So at first it's not super noticeable, but then. It's like. They have a computer or something like. One day every 10 minutes. Like every second it's a day or something like that. It gets faster and faster. It gets faster and faster. So like we can't outrun the ship because it's already moving faster than us. And we're now in this. Yeah. Time warp thing. So then that. They get boarded by the Templars because of this. And. And this is where I thought was so great. Because we go back to. Whatever that guy's name is. Wibbs. Oh.

[00:43:34] Which one? The guy that aged. Who's like I got caught in the time warp. Oh yeah. And I aged like. Yeah. 20 years in 20 minutes or something. Yeah. Because that's what happens if you get stuck in the time warp. If. You get stuck in the time stream or whatever. You can't ever escape it. You can't escape it. If you. If you. If you mess up. Yeah. But. Since time is accelerating through this. Like. They start to fight the robots and the Templars down. And we're in the. Yeah. They get boarded. And the Templars are coming and fighting them. Wherever they breach the hole.

[00:44:04] The robots don't change. But the humans age. They start to have beards. They start to have beards. And they get old. And well. You first notice it because. Jason and the princess. Had some alone time. And then within a few minutes of entering the time warp. The princess is like. Oh I gotta go back to my room. I don't feel good. Yeah. And then. They're down there fighting. And then. Like. The camera will speed. It'll. They record it. It's moving regular speed. And then it speeds up really fast. And then it goes kind of back to regular speed. Now suddenly he's got a beard.

[00:44:34] And now suddenly his beard's longer. Yeah. And then the. Wendon comes. So Wendon's head's been put on a robot. A body now. To help out or whatever. So he comes down. He's like. The princess is looking for you. Because she's pregnant. And but by the time. He makes it back up to the room. Like. The baby's born. Yeah. But it's literally been like. Two minutes of movie time. Yeah. If that. Yeah. Yeah. And so that just keeps happening. Like throughout the whole. This whole sequence. Of going through the time thing. So it's just fun. It's just great. Because like.

[00:45:03] You'll get those glitches. Where everything speeds up. And now they're old. So like. They're trying to fight the robots. But they're like. Old men now. Yeah. So like Ron Perlman's character. Is like. I feel like my kidney's failing. Or something like that. And he kills over. And Roscoe has. Their hair is turning white. It is the best. White fro. It's gigantic. It's like a three foot diameter. Afro. If you thought his eunuch fro was awesome. Just wait. They got like the long white beard. His fro is. You know.

[00:45:32] It's probably got a radius. Of like six feet. Jason looks like. I mean. He's got a really long. Like prospector beard. Weird. I love who saves them. And then. Well then. Yeah. Then. Then their son Jason. Yeah. And comes in and ends up saving them. And it's the same. It's the same. It's played by. Yeah. Robert Urich. Yeah. Robert Urich. And then. Then they make it through the time warp. And since they made it through the time warp. I guess. It all glitches back to the moment that they entered. Like time reverses back to when they. Yeah. Which. So.

[00:46:02] I liked that it built up to that. Yeah. Like. Oh yeah. Throughout it. We also saw the donkeys and the pigs were now grown up. Yeah. Right. Like they went from these baby ones to like full grown animals. And the nanny. Oh the nanny. Yeah. She was just a bag of bones. She was just like a mummy sitting outside the door. Well and. And. Percy. Was that the robot's name? Yeah. He smashes the herpy. Oh yeah. He stomped on it. That happens in the future apparently.

[00:46:32] Yeah. And well then. He asked how Percy's doing. And he's like not. Great. You can tell he's like. Oh yeah. He's wearing out. And it's like. But she's. When we see the nanny as a desiccated corpse. It's because. The baby is now a little boy running around. And she's like. Don't. Don't wear out. The nanny. Yeah. Or whatever. And she goes out and sees her. Just. Corpse. Yeah. Yeah. And that's. And that. That's the end. They make it through. Oh. We should say that the bad guys. They're like. Where'd they go?

[00:47:02] Turns out they were off by one degree. And they got lost in the time warp forever. And so. Dun dun dun. The ice pirates made it through. And there is earth. There in front of them. And. They are going to be. Living. In the tropical islands. For the rest of their life. Like. Scrooge McDuck. Yes. You know. I got a water bin. Yeah. They basically say. They don't need to be pirates anymore. It's like. We're out of work. We're out of work. Yeah. And.

[00:47:30] Apparently her father is there on the island. Or on the. Presumably. Because. In the message that he leaves her. Yeah. Which he doesn't realize. That he's leaving for her. It's kind of like a hopeful. Message in a bottle. Well because he's been told that she was killed. Yeah. Right. He's like. Just in case. They're lying to me. So he takes. His ship full of people. Like. We never find out. But he takes a bunch of people. To be like. We're going to go start over. Yeah. We're going to go to this planet. So. We have the donkeys. And the pigs. Yeah. With them. Yeah. That was also funny about that scene.

[00:48:00] Because then the donkeys. Got older. And the pigs were bigger. And. That was a. This movie was intended to be. A serious sci-fi film. With a 20 million dollar budget. With MGM. With MGM. But. They sliced the budget down to 8 million. And decided to turn it into a comedy. And I think things like the. General premise. And the time warp.

[00:48:30] Shows that there was probably. Quite a bit of serious writing done. As a serious sci-fi movie. Before they sliced it. That they. Or before they comedy. Fight it. I will say. Like. The space scenes. Held up fairly well. Like. They're all obviously like. Models. And stuff like that. But. It holds up better than some of the other movies. That we've seen. Like Star Crash. Where. The torpedo dudes are popping out of ships. And. Right. So. I mean.

[00:48:59] It didn't feel. Like. Chintzy. It like. The. The spaceships felt. Kind of real-ish. And. I mean. It felt dated. But it didn't feel. For sure. It's dated now. But it didn't feel corny. Exactly. Yeah. I felt like it was more. In the vein of a TV movie. Versus. A. Theatrical release. Yeah. Like. Like I was saying before. We started the recording. This is. A year after Return of the Jedi. And I know. Return of the Jedi. Is. You know. Star Wars.

[00:49:28] Is this whole other thing. But. Um. Just. The production value. Seemed. Like. A good. TV. Sci-fi. Comedy. Show. Do you know. Just off the top of your head. How much. They spent on. To make. Star Wars. Uh. The first one. That's a great question. I'll see if I can find it real quick. I'm just curious to see like. Apples to apples. Like. Was that. Forty million. Versus eight million.

[00:49:59] Cause then. You know. I'm like. That's a five to one. I can give you. I can get you some slack. You know. Well. I mean. The. The one big thing about Star Wars. Is. John Williams score. That really makes it. Um. Serious. Eleven million dollars. Eleven million dollars. A new lope. Okay. In 19. It came out in 77. So that would have been in 1976. Okay. So like. Almost ten years before. Yeah. Eight years. Maybe nine. Before this one. And a bigger budget. I mean. But not. Not significantly more. Right. Yeah. I mean.

[00:50:29] Three million more. Yeah. Well. But what's. I mean. But ten years. What's the. What's the time value money for that ten years. You know. Sure. Um. Is. You know. It's the 80s. Reaganomics. You know. Who knows. They'd already. You're still waiting for that trickle down. The nation had healed. Through Xanadu. From the gas shortages. And we were coming out of this. Yeah. But. Um. Well. I was just thinking. So you've got Star Trek. Which is its own thing. It's a space opera. Right.

[00:50:58] And then you saw things kind of turn. Uh. In the sci-fi world. Kind of turn. A hard right. And you have Star Trek. Which is. In many ways. More. Realistic. To what space would be like. Than Star Trek. I mean. There's still. Or Star Wars. I mean. There's still. I mean. There's still. Plot armor. Movie magic. And stuff. Yeah. Realistic. You know. Because you. You're not flying out. You're not getting out in the asteroid.

[00:51:27] And finding out you're in a worm. Like. Han Solo. Because. You can't go out into space like that. Yeah. Um. And I feel like this one kind of landed in the middle. It was. Probably more on the Star Wars side. With. How. The mechanics of its universe worked. But. But. I think you could tell that it originally had a bigger budget. Because the story made sense. Yeah. So many of the movies that we watch on this show. That had that lower budget. Like Birdemic. Or. Yeah. Or even Star Crash. Like. You're like.

[00:51:57] What are you doing? Like. Like. They had. They had a series of set pieces. That they wanted to run through. And they're like. I don't know. Figure a way to make this happen. Well. Well. Or. I'm sure that everyone had that vision. Like. The Birdemic guy. Had the vision of like. We're starting here. I want to end here. And he wrote himself into a corner. So we just had some duex machina. Yeah. Or plot armor. Like. This one. They. They were like. Yeah. We want to start here and end here. And they had a good enough arc. You know. Story arc. Kind of in place. And they're like. Oh. Our budget's been slashed.

[00:52:27] We got to change this to comedy. I'm like. Well. The story's not going to change. We just have to. Yeah. You're like. You know. Like. I don't know. I don't know if I'm making any sense. But like. So you're basically. So what. If I'm hearing you correctly. It was basically Star Wars. Super legit. And then some fart jokes. And some eunuchs. And that's how we. Well. I don't know that. I don't know that I'd go that far. But I just feel like it's. It's more. Because we were talking about. Before the show started. Like. You know. What's successful after. In the 80s. Are there successful sci-fi movies. Yeah. Space sci-fi movies. Well.

[00:52:57] There is one. 1988's Mac and Me. Yes. Which was. Both written and directed. By the same. Writer and director of Ice Pirates. Stuart Raffa. So. He made this movie. And did such a great job. That McDonald's picked him to do. Mac and Me. Do you. Do you think that this director. Grew up in the Dust Bowl. Because both of his movies. Are very thirst based. That's true. I'm just. I'm like. I'm not. I don't want to lean too much.

[00:53:26] Into conspiracy here. But. I feel like there's a common thread. Well. You know. You never know. Like maybe Culligan. Was like sponsoring this. Like Coke. Like Coke sponsor. He's like. Let's do it. It's frozen Coke. And Coke was like. No way. Well so. Would you. You know. We talked about. Speed. To. Kind of being Willem Dafoe's. Highlight reel. To become. The Green Goblin. Yeah. You think this was. His highlight reel. To do Mac and me. Yeah. Right.

[00:53:57] Yeah. I'm just trying to compare. Choreography. In those two movies. Yeah. The dancing. Which one's better. Because you know. How I have that soft spot. For. The soft shoe scene. Well he definitely. Did be better dance choreographers. For Mac and me. Yeah. Yeah. That scene is very memorable. Yes it is. Well and then. I think he turned. Remember he turned toward horror. Because there were some scenes in Mac and me. Remember that were like. It was scary. It would have like really. Really well in a horror movie. Yeah. Like when the vacuum gets sucked up on the ceiling. Oh yeah. I'm telling you dude. That herpy had a bigger role.

[00:54:26] And he got turned down into an STD. Wait. Is he. They had to cut the budget. Is he the. Oh my gosh. Is he. Yeah. The space herpy becomes Mac. Oh my gosh. So I gotta ask. Since we're talking about the comedy aspect. And how they changed this to a comedy. I know I heard a lot of you laughing at certain scenes. Yes. Just now. When you're recapping the movie. But. Did you find that the humor in this movie. Were you laughing at the humor?

[00:54:56] Sometimes. Did it work? How did the humor work? Is what I'm asking. I felt like it did. 50-50 maybe. I would say it's. If you were to throw me back into my 80s body. I was gonna say that. I would have been laughing my head off. Yeah. Because it was just like. Those 80 jokes. 80s jokes. A hit in the 80s. Yes. And a lot of that stuff. Just is just like. Okay. That's not really funny anymore. Yeah. And so. And like. You know. Like you watch like Porky's. Or any of those kind of like. Right. Raunchy comedy ones. Like the jokes just don't hit. You're like.

[00:55:25] That guy just is not funny. Yeah. It's just like too slapsticky. I guess. So. Yeah. Like the. The whole build up and payoff. Of the herpy joke. Yeah. Didn't work for me. It might have been really funny at the time. Yeah. Maybe not. I don't know. But. That didn't really work for me. Like we mentioned that there was the. N word. Yeah. Like a guy said it to Patch. Who was played by a black actor. Yeah. And he's like. What? And he's like. What'd you say? He's like. I mean the black guy. And I was. Well.

[00:55:55] And he correct it. He's like. I meant the black gentleman. So I don't know if that was like. If that was unscripted. Yeah. And they're like. We'll leave it in. Yeah. I didn't see that. I didn't feel like that was particularly funny. No. It wasn't. No. It wasn't. Right. It was. It was shocking. Yeah. Yeah. It was really out of place. But. I don't know. I guess I had read the notes before. With the movie. Yeah. With them changing the budget. And I. I asked myself. I'm wondering what the serious version would be like. Yeah.

[00:56:25] For me it was like. I'm not sure quite. The tone. There were a lot of lighthearted stuff. Which made it fun. Right. But I wasn't necessarily laughing. Oh this. I didn't feel like this movie was a comedy. Yeah. So to speak. More than it was a sci-fi. Action movie. Right. Let me. Let me ask you this. With some. With a little bit of comedy thrown in. Right. With some lightness in there. Kind of like Marvel does. There was definitely some lightness. And I like the herpy joke. But. I think the whole. I mean. You know. But. Some of us don't get her. The time warp stuff.

[00:56:53] Got funnier and funnier. As they got older and older. Right. That was very funny. It was very well done. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. That's almost worth watching the movie from now. I mean. The little robot family. And the mom and dad. I mean. That was kind of shocking. That was some dark humor. Yeah. Okay. Let me ask you this. So. Bracken. And you mentioned. Kind of. John Williams. And how he kind of makes. Star Wars. A lot of the gravitas to that. Right. Yeah. My question is. Do you think. With a different score.

[00:57:22] And even just like. Minorly taking out. Some of the more obvious joke. Jokey parts of it. Do you think. Just that alone. Would have pushed it into a. More serious. And it would have just felt. More real. You know. I think I mentioned. I think I mentioned it. Because I was thinking about that. When I was watching it. You know the score is very. A little goofy. It's goofy. And very. You know. It sounded to me like. It was a TV movie. Yeah. Again. Like. Bar. And I'm like thinking. Well what would. What would happen.

[00:57:52] If you put someone's. Really good score to this. Would it make a difference. And. I mean. The production values. I didn't think were. Like again. We talked about how the costuming. Was all over the place. Yeah. It wouldn't have worked. Like Star Wars works. Yeah. But. Would it have been better. I don't know. Like. I feel like the tone. I don't think the music alone. I think you'd have to take some of the raunch out of it. Yeah. I mean. For sure. Obviously.

[00:58:22] You'd have to rewrite a lot of it. But I'm just. I'm just trying to think of like. How far off is it. Wait. Are we. Are we petitioning that someone should do a remake. Are we doing like a script. A reboot. Of Ice Pirates. But make it a serious movie. By HBO Max. They could just make it. They could make it into a TV series. How about that? There we go. Well so. Like. I remember the beginning. The. The soundtrack was taking me out of the movie. Yes. Because it didn't seem to fit. It didn't. But I feel like it. It kind of found its footing towards the end. Eventually. You forget about it. I didn't notice it as much.

[00:58:53] Later on. But at first it was kind of like. It didn't match. Why is there heroic fanfare when it's just a random ship landing? Yeah. Like. It did feel a little like. Again. Like putting myself back into 80s. Like. It felt Miami Vice-ish. Yeah. A little like. Weekend at Bernie's. Yeah. It's just that kind of like. Something's happening. We're going to kick up the pace a little bit. Yeah. You know. Yeah. It's a tough one. It is. The tone. Did we. Did we have fun with this film? Oh.

[00:59:22] It was. It was fun. I had a great time. Yeah. Like Bracken said. We were laughing at it. Or with it. I would say both. Yeah. Probably. But. Yeah. I. Yeah. I had a good time. I will say that there were. I think the jokes that hit me the best. Were the more subtle ones. That weren't just completely on the nose. Right. Because those actually did garner some pretty good laughs. When it was a little more subtle. When it was less about like. Is that your sword? Or you're happy to see me. Kind of. Right. Level of joke. Those.

[00:59:53] Were just kind of like. Grown a little bit. Like okay. Ha ha. Yeah. There definitely were things that didn't make sense. I did have to like. I did consciously at one point. I'm like. I'm just going to stop thinking about this. Because like. If water is such a problem. Like where are they getting all their food? Yeah. Right. And that sort of thing. And I was like. You know. I just got to roll with it. Or like. When they have the. Intimate moment scene. Right. Like. The alone time as you call it. Yeah. They. There's a. There's a screen. Yeah.

[01:00:22] Behind them showing like. Oceans. Yeah. And rain. And rain. And it starts raining. It rains all over the shower. Then it rains in there with them. Yeah. And it was like. But we were like. How would they know? How would they know? How much did this cost? Because that's a lot of water. Yeah. Yeah. For real. Yeah. Just to like. To see a crashing wave. Right. Well it's just like. How would they even know what that looked like? If water is so scarce. Like they would have never seen. At the ocean. Yeah. Yeah. Or. Or rain. Well.

[01:00:51] Because there's even a thing where. Angelica Houston's character is talking about. Here on the seventh planet. There's so much water. That it forms clouds. Right. All the time. And rains. Yeah. And they're like. Yeah. Right. You know. So. Yeah. So that. That. That hit weird for me. That was like. Well how would they even. Where did they get this footage? Yeah. Yeah. They didn't even look parched in this movie. No. Never looked thirsty. When they got that. They got that. When they were in the slave cage. They got. Someone came along with. Like a watering can.

[01:01:20] And just filling up bowls with. Looked like motor oil. Looked like motor oil. But I guess it was soup. Yeah. I feel like I blacked out. Several times during this movie. Because. You guys remembered so much more. Of the plot. And what was happening. Than I ever could pay attention to. Like. I think my mind was just. Other places. Or something. Well you saw the cabbage lady. And. Yeah. Cabbage head lady. I did see the cabbage. Yes. That was there. No. I. I think I was. I don't know. I think I was just thinking about.

[01:01:50] Other movies. That this. Movie was reminding me of. Or something. Let me ask you this. Who. Who is your favorite character? Hmm. Angelica Houston. Angelica Houston. I think I liked Angelica Houston the most. Yeah. This is. You know. This is the movie she made. 1984. Uh huh. The year. This is the. The movie right before she made. Uh. Pritzy's Honor. Which she won an Oscar for. So like. From this movie. To Pritzy's Honor. Being directed by her. Her dad. Uh huh. Winning an Oscar. Her.

[01:02:20] I mean. I could see. She had. Star power. Yeah. In this movie. Like. It's not just nepotism guys. Right. We all know she's got talent. Uh. Is she a Nepo baby? She is. Oh. I had no. Oh. Houston. Uh. I had no idea. What's his name? What? John Houston? John Houston. I don't know who that is. Is her dad. Oh. So. He's like Hollywood royalty. He's a big director. Like he did the Maltese Falcon. And the Treasure of the Sierra Madre. And.

[01:02:50] Lots of other great classics. Before they did Takis. Yeah. Before they did Takis. And. They're just like. Before color was invented. It was actually like. Just. Back when the world was black and white. The whole world was black and white. It was actually just like a slideshow. And it was just like stills. Come to the director. John Houston. In the Takis of the month. He was. Everyone. He was. He was the guy that invented the thing that you go. You're watching it. Play the tape. And it goes. Beep. And you turn the. He directed a movie. I bet your girls know. Called Annie. Oh yeah.

[01:03:21] Annie. Oh. Not that he's. Not that he's really known for that. But that's when he is. He's known for a lot of other movies. But yeah. I will say. Like she. I think 100% throughout the movie. She played that character. Oh yeah. I'm trying to think. Did she ever. She was never. Have an out of character. No no no. She was like. She was just kind of a bad A the whole time. Yeah. She was. She was. And the thing that was great is there were times. Like when she fights the guy. I mean like her. Her. Expression is a little bit. Like. Concerned.

[01:03:51] Like. You think she's afraid. But she totally is not. Yeah. You know. And then. The way she kind of looked at the princess a few times. You'd think. Oh no. Is this a jealousy plot. Right. But it never really turned into that. No. Right. No. I'm trying to think of like other movies she's been in more recently. That like. Yeah. She was in. The Witches. Yeah. The Witches. The Watcher in the Woods. You know. John Wick 3. Adam's Family. Oh right. She was the. The Romanoff. Whatever. She's like the head of the family. And.

[01:04:19] I also liked John Matusak's character. He was funny. He was good. He just popped up in. Just when you didn't expect it. But literally. Like he was. He was. So he's the thief. The larceny thief dude. And then. He escapes the cage because he's a priest. And they don't. He takes the priest. He takes the priest. And then. And then he shows up. What you think is a robot. And then he flips up his mask. And he's like. It's just coming soon to drink. You got a sandwich. And then. But he just keeps like showing up all over the place.

[01:04:49] And he just joins the crew. That's. Yeah. That's a little weird part. Is he like joins the crew. And everyone seems to know who he is. Even the ones who haven't met him yet. It's like. Well they. That seems accelerated. Because they meet him. It's like. Hi. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Ron Perlman's character. Right. And he pulls a joke. He pulls a joke on him. Right. Yeah. Shake his hand. Oh that's right. And he pulls. And he's got. Killed his old hand. Yeah. And. Apparently they bonded over that. But. I mean. Who doesn't love a fake hand joke. Yeah. Yeah.

[01:05:20] Well. Uh. Let's. You know. Just so people don't know. Yeah. In case people don't know who John Matuszak is. You know him as Sloth from Goonies. From Goonies. And of course he's covered in a lot of makeup there. But he's. He's a football player who turned actor. And he's big. He's tall and big. He's like seven and a half feet tall. Yeah. Like he was towering over Juan Perlman. Yeah. He's. He's huge. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You. You were like. Oh yeah. That guy. Because he was in a lot of things. And Robert Yorick is. Is pretty tall too.

[01:05:50] Yeah. And they're all. You know. Walking in one scene. And I'm like. These are tall men. Yeah. John's like above. He's like. A whole head above him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. All right. Well let's decide if this is a. An exceptionally bad film. Anyone want to start? I. I. I can go. I. I would say it's exceptionally bad. I've never seen it. It did take me back to come. Kind of my. Eighties. Youthful. Childhood. Um.

[01:06:20] It wasn't. So. Off the wall. That I hated it. I think we kind of commented a lot of the movies that we saw last season were just kind of bummers. They were just kind of. Just bad bad. Um. This. I. Yeah. I had a lot of fun with this. Like. There was. A. Much of the humor worked. And. That time dilation thing alone. Like. That was just super fun to just see them keep getting older and older and older and older. And like. Super weirdly older. Um. I thought that was a lot of fun. So.

[01:06:50] I. I had a blast with it. All right. I guess I'll go next. Um. I felt. Like. I kept thinking in this movie. Oh. This scene is. Taking this trope from that movie. And this. Taking that trope from this movie. Like I mentioned. During the thing. You know. They rescue the princess. She's asleep. She doesn't know she's being rescued. She wakes up while he's carrying her. And then she suddenly is mad at him. Uh. You know. Robert Yorick's character. Um. I think Jason.

[01:07:20] And. Um. I'm like. Where have we seen this before? I mean. It's straight out of Star Wars. Or it's just a trope. But. Um. The alien creature. Uh. Jumping. You know. The. The herpy. And just running across the room. I made me want to watch her. Not really. Keep watching this movie. Eventually. I was like. Oh. Okay. I want to watch Alien now. Or. I just started thinking about other movies. That this movie. Wasn't necessarily. Ripping off. But just. I mean. I guess it was. It was ripping off. But.

[01:07:49] It was just a hodgepodge of all these things. So. On that basis. I guess you could watch this movie. And have some enjoyment about. Oh. What movie is it referencing here. Or there. Or where this was taken from. Or what movie this reminds you of. And then 10 minutes later. Find another movie. Um. From that perspective. I. I did like the aging sequence. I felt like. So if you think about the time test. Like. Did this movie feel long? I felt like. At the end of that. I. I was wanting the time to go a little bit faster. Yeah.

[01:08:18] Even though the movie was doing that. Yeah. It wasn't going fast enough for me. But maybe just like. By two minutes. Honestly. Yeah. And it's. Maybe. I. You know. It. It ended. And then. It was over. So. I mean. The movie's an hour 34. And it. I. I got through it pretty good. But. I kept thinking that this was. Like I said before. A TV version. Of. All these space movies. The cinematography. I don't know who the cinematographer was. And I won't mention their name. But. I. I just felt like it was.

[01:08:48] A TV production. And. The. The music probably. Let this movie down a little bit. And. I mean. I'm glad we've seen Solar Babies. Because I felt like it was. Movie was referencing Solar Babies. And I can't remember. Like with the owl? I can't remember when Solar Babies comes out. But. If it was before this or after. They all blur together. Yeah. But there's just. So many different references. Star Wars. As we were talking about. Indiana Jones. With. Being pulled behind a truck. And. Mad Max. And.

[01:09:18] Just all these different things. So. It was just really kind of interesting. But. Would I say it's exceptionally bad? I think it's. It's fun. I'd say. Sure. You could watch it. I don't know if I'd say. Exceptionally bad. I'm going to just go with. Bad. Okay. But I'm very close to the edge. Yeah. But I'm just going to go with bad. So. That's my. Call. Well. You know. I kind of land. And probably somewhere between the two of you. Because I. After watching it. Like a big thing for me is always the story. Like. Does it make any sort of sense?

[01:09:48] Yeah. And the fact that it. Had the build up. It had. It laid the ground work for that. Time warp scene. Part of me is like. This is. Maybe too good. Yeah. Maybe it's. It's better than. Like maybe what our movies should be. And then. I'm like. No. That's silly. You were too impressed. It's like. Back up. So. I think I'm probably. Right. On the fence. But leaning. Maybe a little bit more on.

[01:10:17] The exceptionally bad side. Because. Would I watch this again? I probably wouldn't. I mean. I don't want to like. Hey. Let's start. Stop recording. Watch again. But like. I would probably watch it again. Sure. It. It had enough fun moments. There were. Enough moments. Made me cringe. That I'm like. Well I probably wouldn't watch it with my kids. But like. It. Yeah. I'd say. It's. For me. It. It was better than I was expecting it to be. Even after watching the trailer. Like oh this is going to be a train wreck. And it wasn't. It was. You know.

[01:10:47] It was more like. The train does go over the thing. But Buzz Lightyear brings it back up. Oh. And puts it back on the thing. So. So it was a train. It was a train wreck. But not. As bad as it could have been. Right. And so. So. Yeah. So I would lean kind of on the. Just on the exceptionally bad side of that line. I think that. Well first of all. We didn't talk about this. But. It's Rotten Tomatoes score is 17%. Wow. Which I don't think is.

[01:11:17] Close to fair. Like. Maybe 40%. Yeah. I'd put it in the upper 30s. Yeah. To mid 40s. Yeah. Yeah. Also. Gene Roddenberry joked once. So Gene Roddenberry. The creator of Star Trek. Joked once that this movie was singularly responsible for bringing back the death penalty in California. Listen. STDs are no joke.

[01:11:47] So. Like I said. I saw this when I was a kid. And I must have seen it multiple times. Because I remembered it well as we were watching it. Like I couldn't. I wouldn't have been able to tell you the scenes. Many of the scenes. There were a few I remembered. But. I wouldn't have been able to tell you much of it. But as we were watching. I knew what was coming. Each time. And. So I watched it. I had to have watched it multiple times as a kid. And. I would say that I really had fun with it. Still.

[01:12:18] There was a lot of stuff that. Like we have said is cringy and stuff. But there was a lot of really funny stuff. That I loved. It was goofy. It was not. So it was. Not as like satirical as. Spaceballs. Spaceballs. Right. Not as satirical as Spaceballs. But it borrowed a ton of stuff from real. From sci-fi. It made fun of some of the tropes.

[01:12:46] And tried to throw some funny in. One thing that has always kind of. Graded for me. Is that. I'm not a huge Robert Urich fan. But I don't see him as a comedy. Actor. Right. I mean who. He was. Would you say Spencer for hire. Right. Right. That's what I think of him as. As. Yeah. Not. Not a comedy guy. And really. I mean he was fine. In this. You know there was. It wasn't like he was stiff or anything. But it just. He didn't seem like.

[01:13:16] The guy I would have chosen. For it. He was a leading man. Yeah. Right. And he was fine at that. I saw in the. The trivia that. Kevin Costner was actually. Originally offered the part. And he turned it down. What? Yeah. Okay. How old would he have been? He might have been. It was before he was Kevin Costner. He might have been with. Playing with wolves. Dancing with wolves. Might have been dancing with wolves. That was like much later. Was it? That would have been like 92.

[01:13:45] Oh was it that far? So this was. Well. That's a long movie. They probably started filming it then. This was before he was a name. Okay. So. They probably started filming that movie about. Yeah. That's right. I would call it exceptionally bad. Just simply because I think. I think it's worth watching with friends. And it's fun. And I think people will have a good time with it in general. So. That's where I'm going with it. Watch it for Angelica Houston. Oh yeah. And the time. And the time skip scenes. Yeah. So that's the other thing. Angelica Houston. You know.

[01:14:15] It's such a different role than what I expect her. Mm-hmm. Expect from her. And she nailed it. And. Was really an exciting character. And I wish there was more. I wish they would do a. Spin off of her. I mean. And Ron Perlman's in it. Although. I feel like. Ron Perlman. He's not in it much though. I feel like. He was a little underutilized. Yeah. You know. Every time you'd see Ron Perlman. I think he's great. Yeah. But. Yeah. I mean. The leads were Robert Urich. And Mary Crosby. Right. Well. And. Roscoe. Yeah.

[01:14:44] I've never heard. Like. No. I can't remember the actor's name. Yes. Michael. Michael D. Roberts. Yeah. It was kind of like. Those three were the. Yeah. Yeah. They were like the Harry Ron and Hermione. Right. That's right. That's what they were. Yeah. They were the anime trio. But again. I mean. Those three are. Like TV actors. Right. They're all known. You know. Robert Urich. That's true. Mary Crosby from Dallas. And Michael D. Roberts. Who's been. On lots of shows. So many TV shows. And. It just felt.

[01:15:15] Yeah. I mean. It was a TV. It was like a TV production. But. I was shocked that this was actually. Theatrically released. So I'm like. Like. I'm trying to envision. Sitting in the theater. Watching this. But. From the studio that brought you Lisa. Yeah. I'm just like. Wow. Okay. Cool. Well that was a fun one. Yeah. Where can. Listeners. Listeners. Contact us. How about the guys at. Exceptionallybad.com. Sure. And. Instagram. At Exceptionally Bad. Yeah.

[01:15:45] I think that's our only places right now. But. Hey. Contact us. Bracken's house. Oh yeah. Bracken's house. He's got a P.O. box. Come on by. Yeah. I'll pop you some popcorn. All right. Well thanks. For joining us. And we'll catch you in the next one. Bye. I'm afraid I have some bad news. Well maybe it's not that bad. The princess is pregnant. Bad movies with your friends.

[01:16:22] That was terrible. Can we fix that in post? Bye. Bye.