Episode 501 Velocipastor

[00:00:02] Hey, it's Ben, and we are back. Sorry, it's been over a year and a half since our last episode, and I wanted to just thank all of you who've reached out to say that you missed the show. I wanted to give a disclaimer before we go into the episode that our first few episodes were recorded months apart from each other over this past year and a half, so please forgive us for any inconsistencies that happen from episode to episode.

[00:00:32] And we hope you're going to enjoy this season. So with that, let's get into the show! In a world of prostitutes with hearts of gold, drug smuggling ninjas, and murder for Jesus, Father Doug Jones will avenge the fallen and become the Velocipastor.

[00:01:01] There are a lot of bad movies out there. Listen as we try to find the ones that are so bad they're actually good. Is it just bad? Or is it exceptionally bad? Bad movies with your friends. Bad movies with your friends. Oh yeah!

[00:01:28] Welcome back to Exceptionally Bad. I'm Ben. I'm Bryant. I'm Bracken. I'm Nate. And Danny, producer Danny's not with us tonight. Womp womp. But welcome to Season 5. So it's been a while. El Cinco. El Cinco de Sisono. Cinco de Podcasto. Yeah, we speak Spanish. That's right. We're fluent.

[00:01:54] So this season, we've got an idea for some bad movies. The way that we're going to do this is we're letting algorithms decide. So... AI? I guess. This is the first step to Skynet. Okay, yeah, right. Maybe we should explain. Yeah, we're not asking chat GPT or anything.

[00:02:18] What we're doing is just going based off of our own recommended movies list from, you know, Netflix or Amazon or whatever streaming service that we're using. So each of these are going to be a little bit telling of, you know, the kind of movies that we like to watch. I don't think there will be any surprises though, to be honest. Mine's going to be all romances and like musicals.

[00:02:45] I don't think I'll ever have Velocipastor as a recommendation on my Netflix account. I'm sorry. Okay. All right. And tonight, we just went with my movie list, my recommended movies. There were quite a few good titles at least. But the movie that we chose was The Velocipastor. It's a film from 2019. Had anyone seen this before? Nope.

[00:03:16] I've seen the title card. I'd heard of it before. Like, we talked about it a long time ago. Yeah. Like, off air, we talked about it. So, you know, I do this thing. I watch a lot of horror movies. And last year, I was watching sometimes two horror movies a day for several months. I was doing some calculations. I think I saw over 200 horror movies last year, which is a lot of movies to watch. I am curious.

[00:03:45] You were doing it through the alphabet. Yeah, I was going alphabetical. So, I'm curious, what letter did you get to? So, I finished everything from Macs. I went through theirs first and finished the whole alphabet. And then I started doing Hulu. And I got to, I don't know, ours or something. This was like in September or so when I started doing that. And so, I saw a lot of movies during the months before Halloween.

[00:04:15] Ben's ready to write a book about horror movies. Well, I just say that as a preface because my recommendations whenever you go into any streaming service, it's all horror movies. And because I was doing an alphabetical, I was not selective of the quality. And so, I get some extremely bad, terrible movie recommendations because I will watch it.

[00:04:43] There was a point where I stopped like a couple of films. I was like, wait, I don't have to watch these movies on principle. It's okay for me to say, this movie is so bad, I'm not going to watch it, right? And there were a few that I just bailed out on after a while on that. But still, my recommendations reflect very low budget, bad horror movies mainly. And our lives were enriched because of that. It really was. It was.

[00:05:12] I'm a better man now. I'm a better Christian now. Ben, you did all the heavy lifting for us. Right, yeah. I prepared the algorithm. I trained the AI. So, who would like to give a synopsis of what this movie is about? I'll give it a try. Okay. So, just before I give the brief overview, this movie had a lot of twists and turns. Yeah. Surprisingly.

[00:05:41] It was all over the place. And layers. Yeah. It was... So, the bare bones storyline is you have Father or Pastor Doug. Pastor Doug. I don't even know what church he belongs to, so I don't know what... I believe he was Catholic because they had confession. Yeah. Except that it was the first... But it was like a church of Christ. The church of Christ. The church of Christ, yeah. Right. It wasn't a Catholic church that he was in. So...

[00:06:10] And he was a pastor, which is not Catholic. He was... True. So, he was Christian. He was a Christian. Yeah. Yeah. Generic Christian. We'll just go with Father. Yeah. Yeah. Father Doug. Yeah. The inciting incident for his kind of questioning his faith and having to go on this journey of self-discovery as his parents were killed in a car... Their car exploded. Car exploded, yeah. In front of the church. We'll get back to why I laugh when I think about that. It's a car bombing. Yeah. Right in front of the church. Yes.

[00:06:40] It was horrific and very graphic. It was. There was a V. There was an F. There was an X. So... We'll discuss more. We'll come back to that. So, his parents die in a car bomb right in front of him. And the other... Father Curtis? The other priest... I might have that name wrong, but he tells him to go on a journey. Basically, take some time. He says, go to where you think God isn't. Father Stuart. Father Stuart, sorry.

[00:07:09] He says, go to where you think God isn't and if he finds you then it'll restore your faith or whatever. Yeah. Then he goes... So, he goes on a long drive. There's a big sequence of him driving different places. And he ends up driving to China. And he... There he encounters a female... Karate... Ninja? Well, let me just stop and say like this movie is very much like, oh, Asian. That means... It's just Asian.

[00:07:36] And so, all of Asia is the same. So, he encounters a ninja who's been shot with an arrow and she gives him a MacGuffin of some sort that turns out to be like a Velociraptor tooth or something. Yeah. And he gets infected by it. And then he wakes up back and he's back in his bed in... New York. New York. Yeah. Pennsylvania, wherever this takes place. Wherever it is, yeah.

[00:08:04] And he slowly discovers or turns, finds out he's become the... He turns into a Velociraptor. Yeah. Um... And fights evil. And... And he meets the other kind of main female character, a prostitute by the name of... Carol. Carol. Thank you. And they decide to team up to fight Injustice as a Velociraptor. Uh... And then he...

[00:08:33] Then the antagonists of the film arrive. Uh... A Kung Fu master and his ninjas. Christian ninjas. Christian ninjas. They're ninjas for Jesus. And they come to, one, take over the drug trade and to force people into... Oh, right. ...getting help. So then they become Christians, an army of Christians. Yeah. And... And... And to eradicate the Velociraptor. You're right. And... The dragon warrior.

[00:09:03] The dragon warrior. And then he... So then they have the climactic battle. Um... And then the movie ends with him being... What is it called in the priest? Dufrock? He... Excommunicated. Excommunicated himself. He left the ministry. Yeah. He left the ministry and became like a guy out of the... Out of Greece. Yeah. And... He's gonna travel the world... He's gonna travel the world... To hunt down the... Hunting down these Christians. And... The Christian ninjas. And the...

[00:09:33] Kind of like a Jason Bourne ending. Yeah. Where he's gonna... Him and Carol... Yeah. They... They... They... They... That's... That's right. That's kind of the... That's kind of the... That's kind of the... That's kind of... Yeah. So, uh... I wanna just kind of... For our audience... Explain... This movie was made by a guy who made a fake trailer... Or a...

[00:10:00] A real trailer for a fake movie in film school called Velocipastor. Not the school, the trailer. Velocipastor school? Yeah. And then... It's Monsters University. That guy decided to turn it into a feature length film, which he did. For a budget of anywhere between $11,000 and $35,000. I think the trailer went viral and that's why... It caught some attention. And so, he made this movie and it...

[00:10:29] It basically went straight to streaming. It was not in movie theaters, but... That's how we got this movie. And, uh... We're talking... At the most, like $35,000 for a movie. That's, uh... That doesn't even pay for like the film staff. Right. Film stock or whatever. Yeah, it's craft services. Like that's nothing. So, five seasons in, we've watched several low budget movies.

[00:10:58] And we'll probably compare them... Yes. This movie to some of them, but... Let's just name a couple of the prior really low budget movies we watched. Birdemic. Birdemic, for sure. Probably... Talking Cat. Talking Cat. Troll 2. Troll 2. I think those are the main ones. Those are the main ultra low films. Were there any more? Oh, Jim Cotta. The James Bond one. Jim Cotta. Yeah, James Bond. Yeah. Oh yeah, Jim Cotta was probably fairly low. Yeah. We've seen...

[00:11:27] X number of boat crashes. Yeah. This is like one 90th of a boat crash. Right, of a boat crash. This doesn't even get you on the boat. Yeah. Yeah. This is like a picture of a boat. Right. That's right. So, what did you all think of this? Or what... Sorry. Let's go with this. What is... What did you like about it? Did you like anything about it? I think... Before I even get into my favorite parts, I think my favorite thing about why this

[00:11:57] even exists is... You mentioned algorithms. That's kind of like what we're playing. So, the whole reason why this even exists is Siri auto-corrected Velociraptor to Velocipastor. Yeah. And so, he was like, that's genius. I'm going to make a movie about that. That's definitely how this happened. I mean, I will say, for me, the jokes landed. Usually, a lot of these are kind of like... Normally, we wouldn't watch this in the past because it's a little self-aware. Yeah.

[00:12:27] It knows what it's doing. But I think because it was so, so, so low budget... And medium effort... I think it qualifies. Yeah. It definitely... It's one of those things where it's like... They... They're kind of doing it as a 1970s style pulp film. Kind of, yeah. And then, but the fact that their budget is so, so low, they can't even quite really do that.

[00:12:55] And so, they fail in a lot of ways. Even though they're trying to be earnest with a lot of... Earnest with their effort. Even though it's kind of a satire. I would agree with that. Right. Well, and even... Yeah. So, I think, like, for me, the humor worked. Yeah. We were obviously all laughing through the movie. When you're supposed to. When you're supposed to. And there's a lot of movies, like higher budget movies that were like... Okay. I think we even commented. We're like, here comes the laugh. Boom.

[00:13:25] There it is. Okay. Okay. And here comes the next one. And... There it went. There it went. No good. But we... Even Bracken was laughing. Yeah. Right? What? We got a few chuckles out of him. We were laughing with them, weren't we? Yes. We were. Yeah. There was plenty of laughing at them too. Yeah. There was. So, let's talk about one of the biggest laughs at the beginning. When the family, the parents get killed. Someone explain that. Bracken, you want to talk about the car bomb? Yes.

[00:13:55] So, we kind of reference this. So, he's coming out of the church and he's on the stairs. And he looks around and his... You see his parents and they wave. And he's like, oh, mom and dad. And he's all smiling and he's all happy to see them. And then it cuts to him and then it cuts back to the parents. And they're standing and then it pulls out like a wide shot of them standing next to this 70s style car. So, we kind of got the inkling that this is set in the 70s. Yeah.

[00:14:24] And we'll see some of that influence in the clothes and the fonts at the beginning of the... You know, this is a 70s style... Grindhouse kind of thing. Yeah. Exploitation kind of a movie. In a very... I'd say PG-13 sort of way. But a wide shot of them in the car and then it says... Then we see a flash and they're gone. The parents are gone and the car is gone.

[00:14:53] And it says in... You see font VFX car explosion or something. Burning car. Burning car, fire car. Burning car effect. Yeah. And there's nothing. It's just a complete... It's just a street scene. It's just a place. And then it cuts back to the priest and he's just like shocked. And then he starts crying and then it cuts back to the VFX and then it cuts back to him. So right off the bat, I mean, this is like two minutes into the movie. Yeah.

[00:15:25] We're shown that, okay, this is low budget. Just use your imagination. Just go with it. And you can see that it's, you know, his earnestness in how he's acting makes it really fun and funny. And so you just, you know, it set the tone for the movie. Yeah. I mean, it really does prepare you for like there's some stuff here that we just cannot do. Or, you know, like... I feel like it was like a genius move. Yeah.

[00:15:54] They were like, look, here's where we would have special effects. Yeah. Yes. Here's where we would have more people. I just may compare this to Birdemic over and over again. Oh, yes. But I much prefer the VFX here kind of a thing rather than lame birds like flying up and down outside of a motel room door, doorway or something. That is this, this director is someone who knows his limits. Right. And embraces them. Yes.

[00:16:24] Whereas the director Birdemic was like, shoot for the moon and maybe hit Kansas. Well, I think that was like right at the very beginning. There's a first few lines. Like he goes outside. He's like, hey, mom and dad. And they wave and say hi to him. And I remember thinking like, well, you can at least hear them. Right. Right. Like, cause in Birdemic. That's true. Half the time you can't, they had like the one mic. Right. Yeah. So it was like. So the production value of this movie is night and day superior. Yes. To Birdemic. To Birdemic. Yeah.

[00:16:54] The lighting, the sound, everything was at least visible and audible. Right. It was clear. Yeah. So if I remember correctly, Birdemic's budget was around 10 grand. Yeah. Around 10, 15 grand. So if this was 11,000, even if it 30,000. Yeah. This was. He did, he did a much better job. Even, even with triple the budget. Like you, that really, like Ben said, really doesn't get you much. Yeah. Right. Right.

[00:17:21] Might get you another mic, but like, it was just so much. The production values were just so much higher than Birdemic, which is of a very similar budget. Yeah. And granted it, it was made almost 10 years later, but like, it's. In inflation though. Yeah. One thing this movie did not have is there were no, uh, like digital visual effects at all. Other than that sign that said VFX shot. Right.

[00:17:51] Everything was practical effects through the whole thing. I guess so. I'm not quite sure. I mean, we can get into this later, but the, when he turns into a Velocera, uh, past or a raptor. A raptor. Yeah. With his eyes and some of. Uh, there was. I think they were contacts. Were they? Okay. I mean, there was a, I don't know. There was a few things where. They didn't do digital for anything else. So. Okay. It's like. You can't. No, you saw the dinosaur. That is totally. That's where the actual dinosaur. That was. They just stole that from Jurassic parks, uh, database.

[00:18:21] I would say the, the highest skill shot was the weird music video. Okay. Like that one was highly produced and. It felt like it was directed by someone else. Yeah. And it felt like the, the film quality was better. Right. Like everything. Somebody. The colors were Richard. What we're talking about. So randomly in the middle of the movie, they. Velocipastor. Father Doug decides that he's going to. Uh. He and Carol.

[00:18:50] Him and Carol are going to go. Go all the way. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Go all the way. Yeah. For the first time. Yeah. And, um, so it's their love making scene basically. It is. And it's not graphic at all. It's, it's all very PG. It's absurd. It is super weird. The music starts. Not even really hard. Not even PG 13. No, no, no. It's PG. Yeah. Tangled was a little more risque than this. And, uh, so yeah, it turned into this weird music video that the video quality got

[00:19:19] 10 times better. Yeah. It was like, it was shot on a high definition camera richer. Yeah. There were some digital effects on that. Like with the, Oh, there. Yeah. With the Brady Bunch. Oh, that's true. Digital editing. Yeah. So yeah, they did the, yeah, the Brady Bunch squares. Yeah. The kind of comic book frame kind of thing where they're moving around and. Different lighting. I don't know if that was digital. Different colored filters or whatever. Or if that was done in post. It could have been done in post where they put like a red filter over. Or just color graded. Red and green. Yeah.

[00:19:50] But yeah, that, that whole thing. I mean, and it was like one whole punk song that. Yeah. It was like at least three minutes long. Yeah. It was. It was like a full music video. It was impressive. And I mean, if you say a full music video, which it was. Yeah. You might think, Oh, it starts to get slow or what it was really. No. It was fun. Yeah. The only thing missing was the band. That's right. Shots of the band. Right. I really wanted that to pop in at some point. Right. Or the little MTV thing down in the bottom. Right. Yeah.

[00:20:19] The name of the band and their album. Yes. I would even say like the, the boyfriend girlfriend scene in Birdemic. Yeah. With the, the swimsuits. With the Yoko Ono banner wall. All right. It was more risque than this. That's true. Oh man. So, uh, somebody explain who is Carol. We've talked about her a few times. Where does she come in? So she's a, she's a prostitute. Okay. But she's also a pre-med law student.

[00:20:49] Right. Which is why she's a. Well, some of medical law, but a, to be a medical doctor and also a lawyer. Student loans are hard to come by. She even, she even, she even had the line. She's like, believe it or not, there's not a high demand for a hooker, doctor, lawyer. I beg to differ. At least not in the States. I don't know. And where else? So she, she's a prostitute in this town.

[00:21:17] And after an ridiculous meeting with her pimp, who's such and such. The Frankie, the mermaid. Frankie, the mermaid. Frankie, the mermaid. And, uh, so Frankie, you know, he tells her, he's like, where are you going to be, you know? Yeah. Where are you, where are you going to be? Where are you going to be selling your wares tonight? And she's like at the park. He's like, good. That's where the money is. But the park. But like, not in a park. It's like. It's like a hiking trail.

[00:21:46] A mile down the road in the trees in the park. Maybe it was Central Park and the woods portion. I don't know. Yeah. She's just like out in the forest somewhere. Yeah. Um, and then she gets accosted by a man who's trying to mug her. Yeah. And, and then they have a, a very. Tussle. Yeah. Tussle in a very strange conversation. Like, take me where the money is. She's like, she'll kill you. He's like, that makes two of us. Yeah. It's like, what does that mean? It doesn't make any sense.

[00:22:14] And while this is happening, Father Doug is having an existential crisis where he's. He's becoming a velociraptor. He's kind of, he's kind of hulking out. For the first time. Yeah. For the first. For the first time he's, he's, he's velociraptor now. And. And he's out also out in the park where the money is. Yeah. And. And he. Happens upon this situation and he. Somehow doesn't kill the guy. The first time he attacks. Yeah.

[00:22:44] He like body slant. He was eating his lower legs. But, but the guy manages to stand up. Yeah. And shoot at him. Yep. And in the full movie tradition, cocking the gun after every shot. Yeah. It's a, it's a semi-automatic gun. He doesn't have to cock it at all. It's like. And he's pulling the slide back each time. Yeah. Well. I. Recently went paintballing with Brant and he has a paintball handgun that you do have to cock every. You do. Oh yeah. You do. And so I was like, oh, maybe she's a paintball gun.

[00:23:14] Doesn't kill the velociraptor. So that's, that's where Carol is introduced. That's how their paths cross. Yeah. And then it, that guy, it cuts away and then he wakes up in her bedroom. Yeah. In her bed with, without any clothes on and under the covers, but. Yeah. And that's, that's how they're in. That's how the characters are introduced to each other. That's how. I thought it was pretty funny how she's like, last night was amazing. Yeah. And he's thinking, oh crap, I'm a pastor. We just had sex. Yeah.

[00:23:42] And so he, they're having a conversation with each other about two totally different things. She's talking about him. And transforming and chewing up a mugger. Yeah. And he thinks she's talking about sex. And so like, they're talking for a couple of minutes. She's like, wait, what are you talking about? I thought that was pretty good. Yeah. That was well done. It was fun. And then she convinces him to become a velocity pastor for justice, I guess. That's right. Yeah.

[00:24:10] And he's like, we'll only kill bad guys. Well, the reason he decides is because he goes, he gets back to the church and he's doing confession. Yeah. And her pimp, her pimp is, comes into confession. I don't know why he would go in to confession. He didn't seem very. Penitent. Yes. At all. But I kill people all the time. He basically, the priest basically figures out that he, her pimp, Carol's pimp is the

[00:24:39] guy that bombed parents. Killed her. He was hired to do the car bomb. Yeah. And he didn't know who it was hired him to do it. But so he kind of freaks out that way and kills him. And then he realized, oh, I'm making the better, the world a better place by killing these bad people. Right. And I'm trying to make things good. So then they joined forces. Yep. Well, so can we, can we jump in and compare it to another lower budget movie we watched?

[00:25:08] In this case, Gymkata. Okay. Did you remember in Gymkata, especially in the battle or the race, the contest? Yes. How it turns out, it looks like, and then it turns out it was like a B.Y.O. costume. Right. Yeah. And so that's this movie too. This entire movie, everybody provided their own. It's bring your own costumes. Yeah. And I didn't want to move past this because this was another gag that worked. It was pretty funny. The mermaid guy? No, no, no.

[00:25:37] Like, cause he, so the pastor wakes up naked in her bed. Cause he hulked out of his clothes. Right. Yeah. And, and he, he was not prepared like the werewolves in Twilight that must just have shorts around. But like, he, so he's like, well, can I borrow some clothes? Yes. I forgot about that. And she's got him in that, that pink mini dress? It's like just. No, no, no, no, no. It was orange. It was orange. It was orange. And it has a V-neck. Yeah. And it's, and it's a micro, like a very micro skirt.

[00:26:07] And he's, so they're having this very serious conversation about murder in the woods. In the woods. A little hooker dress. And sure enough, they cut to it. He's wearing that stupid dress. A little hooker dress. That was funny.

[00:26:32] But then he, so he has an argument with her and he rushes off and then you see him like booking it to the church cause father Stewart, Stewart. Yeah. Cause he's late for confession. I guess his time was over and he clocked out. Right. But you see him rushing and he's got his, he's got his priest clothes on, which is definitely like a costume from Spirit Halloween store. That's right. Yeah. It's got a tie in the back. And well, I, I don't know what they call it. The little white collar thing. The little white collar thing that like is a stiff plastic that pulls out. Yeah.

[00:27:01] It's literally just like, it's like. Sewn onto the front. Sewn into the front. Yeah. It's a piece of cloth. Yeah. It's not a collar. Oh, that's funny. So I, I did not want to skip out over that. That gag that it was, it worked well. It was funny. The guy who played the pimp. Um, so he's wearing a hat, a pimp hat. Cause this is a seventies pimp, right? He's wearing like a fur jacket. He's got long hair. Yeah. He takes off his hat and he's got this gross comb over. Right. That guy, actually, he was so excited.

[00:27:31] The actor was so excited to play this part that he actually shaved the whole top of his head. And you can tell. It's, it's got a little stubble all over it and stuff. And then he does the comb over over top of it. It's so funny. I wish he just used a little bit of makeup. Yeah. To kind of make it look a little bit better. Well, all the makeup budget went to that seance guy, which we'll get to. Yeah. All right. Alistair. Yeah. So is it, I think part of the charm of this movie, I think for our viewing. Uh huh.

[00:28:01] So we did watch it on Amazon. So, I mean, they're not sponsored or anything, but it was through free. Free V. Free V. So there were ads. And every time we've done that, the ads are just perfectly placed in the wrong spot. Yeah. Like right in the middle of a scene, or there's like a couple seconds left of a scene. Yeah. So that, that helped, I think with the charm. This movie was pretty interesting that it would cut to a commercial and you wouldn't necessarily know right away. It would feel like, oh, it's just a continuation. And then you're like, oh wait, no, we're watching a commercial.

[00:28:32] My favorite cut is when Frankie the mermaid is yelling at one of the other hookers. And then it cuts to, to the general insurance commercial where it's like that Mustang that screeches into the garage. Yes. All of us were like, what is this? And then it showed the general insurance. We're like, no! It was so good. Oh, that was funny. It's just perfectly synced that like, if it had waited two seconds or three seconds, five seconds. Right. The scene, the scene would be over. Right.

[00:29:01] But, so then the ad comes back and it comes back to him yelling like for three more seconds. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Highly recommend watching it this way. Yes. It adds to it. So, I want to know what are some more of the absurd parts of this movie that you enjoyed? There were several occasions where there were decapitations. And every time it was very obviously just a mannequin head. It was, it was probably the same mannequin head. Right. I'm sure it was.

[00:29:31] It was. They just kept like, gluing on more and more hair to the eyebrows or something. Yeah. Yeah. No, I thought that was great. Especially like. It was not even hidden. The Fu Manchu little mustache. Yeah. This movie knows what it is and isn't ashamed in the least. Yeah. And it's beautiful. So, I hate to bring up Halloween 3 because it's one of my least favorite movies we've watched. Yeah. But do you remember when she rips the guy's head off? But it just looks so fake. Right.

[00:30:00] It's like not even gross or scary or just like, well that was dumb. That was this movie on purpose. Yes, right. Like he. And yet there were some parts at the end where he does get the head ripped off and there were some, I mean you could tell it was a fake head. Yeah. But they, they went to the trouble of doing the antrulls and like some. There's blood spraying out. Yeah. I mean. When he rips out Father Stewart's eye and it's just like the eye. Connecting tissue. Yeah.

[00:30:28] Some absurd scenes in this movie. So how about this? What about Father Stewart? Well I was gonna, yeah, I was gonna, I was gonna get there. So this movie does have layers and they put these layers in for comedic effect and to, I feel like to give the characters more backstory and for us to care about the characters. But you know, they're aware that they're just putting them in because this happens a lot. It's just kind of a thing that happens.

[00:30:56] So Father Stewart has his own backstory where he's. It's very tragic. In the war in quotes. I'm not sure which one. I guess. Vietnam because they said. Well this is. Did they say? Okay. But his hair changed so quickly from like early seventies to mid seventies. I don't know. I, I'm not sure. Okay. I mean, it could have been the cream war. Who knows? Yeah. Flashback played by the same actor. Who's an old guy.

[00:31:25] Very visually old dude. Yeah. But he's got a nice blonde wig. Yeah. Yeah. Very, very expertly put on. They colored his mustache. So he's got a love interest and. That I feel like must be his wife in real life. Right? Yeah. It's gotta be. That was so funny. I forgot. She runs up to him and you know, the, the, the soldiers are all standing by this building. Wait, hold on. They're in Vietnam.

[00:31:54] He's standing there and he sees her in the forest and she starts running towards him. What about his buddy? His buddy Ollie. His buddy from the war. From the war. Hold on. Finish what happens with the wife. So she runs up to him and she's just like in this flowing dress and she's got this hat on her head and she's like, it's this lovely moment and she's running towards him and she gets like literally maybe six inches from him.

[00:32:23] Close enough that she could hug him. Yeah. She is about to hug him. She's about to just, they're coming together and she steps on a landmine and literally like this was burst balloon. This was an amazing effect. They, they, you know, they, they cut her out and they cut in where there's just like this giant red balloon of liquid and it's just splatters all over. Like someone just threw a big bucket of blood on him.

[00:32:52] I mean, like more than Carrie and Carrie. Like there's, he's just completely, he's got glasses on and he's completely covered. And he's in shock. So he's just standing there. He's just standing there and all the other guys that are standing, the other soldiers are, get a little splatter on him and they're all like, oh man, that's, that's really. Well, the one guy is like, he's like, I don't think there's anything you can do for her now. I think, I think that's it. I don't think she's going to make it.

[00:33:21] He's just standing there staring at the camera, like straight on, like, Then there's that, like, where it's got his voice over and there's just that, you know, sometimes like the, the background in repose shot. Right. Yeah. It's her blood dripping off of the building. Yes. Cause there's so much blood. I mean, it's like, there's nothing left. She just, she was one big balloon of red blood. That was, it was, it was shocking. It was shocking yet. It, it was well received. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:33:51] This is, but this is shortly after he loses his friend, Ollie from the war. Yeah. Yes. You better tell that one. Well, so it's, it's, it's, it's kind of the beginning of his flashback. Right. Yeah. He's, he and his buddy, Ollie are walking through, must be Vietnam. The jungle of Pennsylvania. The jungle of Pennsylvania. The jungles of China or Vietnam. It's the same place. And, and they stop and they're talking and he's like, he's like, you got a girl back home. And he pulls out the picture of his wife. Who's clearly probably also in her like fifties or 60. Yeah.

[00:34:23] And, and then he's talking about like, he's like, I want you to go home. We want you to have like 11 kids. And I want you to name one of them after your, your old war buddy, Ollie. And he just goes on and on about like, why'd you name me Ollie? He's like, cause I have my war buddy. You give him a big smile. My old, my buddy, Ollie, who made it through the war without a, without a scratch. And we're, what did you say while we're watching the movie? And I was like, Oh, he's going to die. Like the, just broadcasting. Yeah. The plot is just broadcasting.

[00:34:50] So then he sees his friend Ollie get shot from about the same distance that his wife. Right. He's right next to him. Yeah. He gets shot through the neck or whatever. We don't see it. We see it kind of like from behind. We hear the gunshot. Like a half second after you're like, Oh, he's going to die. Yeah. Well, and he's still smoking on the ground. Oh yeah. The cigarette's still in his mouth and blowing out. Which, which was intentionally meant to be funny. Right. Yeah. They're totally throwing those signals out there.

[00:35:20] And then he comes back to the present and the Velocipastor had ripped his eye out, which we thought he killed him. Yeah. Cause it's, he's completely off screen. You just see the viscera come across the screen when they're at the voodoo guy's place. So he, he comes to, and as Bracken pointed out, he's got his eye patch over his glasses. Yeah. Oh, Brant pointed out. He's got the eye patch for healing over his glasses. Oh man. Yeah. So that, whatever his name is, Father Stuart.

[00:35:49] So where this flashback all takes place is he, he finds out, uh, Doug, the, the main character, the pastor, he tells him, he confesses to him, Hey, I turn into a, a velociraptor and I kill bad guys, but only bad guys and stuff. And he's like, no, you have to be, we have to get an exorcism, but we're going to a place where God hasn't been in a long, in a long time. And he takes him to this guy named Vol. Well, his name is Alistair.

[00:36:19] I think. Oh yeah. The actor was Voltaire. Yeah. Alistair. Um, or something like that. And he's like some kind of mascara. Yeah. Yeah. He's got mascara and he's got elf ears and he's like, he looks like a vampire. Um, his, uh, house or wherever he is, his shop looks like a voodoo shop with all kinds of stuff. He's got a deck of tarot cards on the table. Yeah. And so they all sit down together and they're doing an exorcism or a seance.

[00:36:49] Actually, they call it a seance, even though he said it was an exorcism. And while they're doing it, then we zoom into father Stewart's head. And that's where we get to see his, his flashback. It makes no sense to the, that part of the story. It doesn't add anything at all. It's so weird. So strange. Well, it is his motivation to become a father. Right. Cause at the end of it, he's like, and I, I need to go back and go back to the church and study up. Right. Yeah.

[00:37:18] So the, the, a few of the filming things reminded me. So at the very, very beginning, like, um, this is before the trip to China, right after his parents have died, they're sitting there. Father Stewart and father Doug are sitting there next to each other talking in the church, in the church, on a pew, right? They're right next to each other. Father Stewart's trying to comfort him and stuff.

[00:37:45] And then suddenly on either side of, of them, you see a closeup of their face. And it's like an old Olin Mills picture where you get the like pose. And then there's the big head behind you or whatever. And it's like that. And they're having this conversation and both they're, they're like, uh, mid shot. Like they're busts. Well, like you're, they're closeups. They're, they're, they're talking in both places. It's a split screen, but yeah, it's like, it's like a Brian De Palma.

[00:38:15] It's so weird. Split screen kind of a thing going on. Yeah. It was like, why did you do this? Like, and he did it in a number of places. Like, yeah, several places. Like I thought that's how it was going to be like for the weird sex scene too, until it started. Yeah. Oh, well that happens again when she tells him that he turned into the Velocir. Remember? Oh, that's right. And it gets that same split screen of his face. And he's like, Oh, right. And it goes in real close and he's like, what? Oh wait, is it? That was great.

[00:38:46] Cause you're expecting him to say something else. And there's a pause. It's like, then he's like, what? Yeah. That was so funny. That scene is, is gold. That's what I'm going to say. Uh, one of the twists that I just absolutely loved is that he has a younger brother. Oh, right. That he didn't remember. I don't even know if we should, this is like a total spoiler.

[00:39:15] I don't know if we should even talk about this. He's like, there's a ninja in front of him. He's like, I know that voice. I recognize that voice. Well, so this is the thing. So we go to the ninja camp and we're like, Oh, okay. They're all Asian. Great. This makes sense. Oh, wait, there's wait, there's wait. This guy over here, he's got curly blonde hair. Who's what is he doing here? And so we're all like, okay, it's a low budget movie, whatever. Yeah.

[00:39:42] But then we find out later that no, he's the brother of the priest. And it all makes sense because he's the one that, that had his parents killed because I guess he was jealous of his parents' love for his brother or something. We had seen some flashbacks of Doug remembering his parents, right? Yes. Remembering them. And there was this time where they dropped him off at priest college. And he's like, you're my- They're going to go for a drive and then pick him up from priest college. I'm so proud of you. You're my only son.

[00:40:11] That's what they say to him. And, uh, Did they actually say that? Oh my goodness. They said that a number of times. They said that at the dinner table scene too. At the dinner table, you're my only son. Yes. But then, uh, once he realizes, oh, this guy's my brother, we then see those scenes again. And the brother is there. The camera pulls out. And he's standing in the kitchen and he's angry. And it's like everyone just forgot his existence, including him.

[00:40:38] Do you remember, do you remember the Puss in Boots with Humpty Dumpty? How at the end he's in all of Puss in Boots scenes? You know, he just like peeks up from behind like a bed or something like that. This is his, his redheaded stepchild brother. He's a ninja. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Well, so, but Father Stewart, I guess is rescued by the ninjas? Yes. And you, well, so there's... Momentarily. So there's the attack. Okay.

[00:41:05] So he fights the ninjas and then Carol finds him in his room hidden under newspapers for some reason. Right. Because he's been cut or whatever. And that's when they have the, the music video scene. Right. And then they wake up the next morning and then the ninjas attack them. Right in the bedroom. In the bedroom. That's right. Probably the most risque scene in the movie.

[00:41:33] But, but then it turned that, then he, then when, before the ninjas dies, he clues dug into the fact that they're Christians. Right. So they're like ninjas for Jesus. And then, so, and then, so sorry, there's just, the plot is just so crazy. Yeah. So then the Father Stewart wakes up and he's in there with the Chinese leader, which, so he, he, his clothing, he is dressed like a Kung Fu master. Yeah.

[00:42:01] He is like the one character that kind of got culturally correct. And he seems to speak Cantonese through the whole thing. I mean, none of us speak Cantonese, but it sounded like it. He's, yeah. You could tell he was legit. Yeah. So, I mean, he seemed to be the only one was kind of culturally correct in terms of like what he was wearing. Right. And his manners of speech, but he, he, he, you know, exposits that they're, they're Christian sect, like St. I don't remember.

[00:42:31] Augustine or something. And, but their whole plan is to bring in this like super addictive cocaine. It's like four times more than regular cocaine to hook the people in the town. And then, then, then stop giving it to rip away the supplies. So they have to go funnel into like a support group. Yeah. Hopefully Christian and Christians. So they'll have an army of Christians, Christian support group. Yeah. And they'll convert them all.

[00:43:00] And then father Stewart. Understandably is like, that's terrible plan. Like I'm, I believe in Christianity for like all its virtues. Right. Not, not this. And then, and a ninja leader guy doesn't like that. So he stabs him with an arrow with an arrow. Yep. And he died. So they rescued him just to kill him. They rescued him so that they could explain what they're doing. Yeah. And then kill him. I, I have to give the director credit for weaving as absurd as this movie is an

[00:43:29] actual single thread that ties all of it together. That's true. And it's, I mean, again, you know, putting reality aside a little bit, it all makes sense in the context of the movie. Like everything tied together. So I was like, okay, I get why that happened. Okay. I get what that happened. Still not quite sure on like the ninjas for Jesus versus the dragon warriors. And somehow how the pre-med law hooker can beat a bunch of ninjas by herself. Yeah.

[00:43:57] It was like her versus them and him versus his brother when they were like, Yeah. She's fighting like four guys and the Velociraptor's fighting one. Well, actually, Doug is fighting one until he turns into the Velociraptor. Doug is fighting them with his, with his raptor arms. Yeah. That's really just raptor gloves. Well, and then they get introduced and never explained the sword. Yeah. The sword of my ancestors. Of that guy's ancestors. And my ancestors.

[00:44:27] And somehow he's got Jedi powers in it. Yeah. Doug somehow calls it to his hand. And he's like, Somehow uses the force. Yeah. My ancestors are my ancestors. And he kills his brother with the sword. Yeah. And then you don't see the sword again. Yeah. And I love that blood is just spraying on Doug while he's killing his brother. Meanwhile, his girlfriend is kicking butt in the background. And he's just sitting there getting sprayed. Yeah. Kind of reveling in it.

[00:44:54] Well, then she gets attacked by a ninja. Mm-hmm. By the, the Kung Fu master. No, no. It was just one of the ninjas. It's just the tall one. Is it? Okay. Yeah. The Australian one. Oh, right. And, uh, yeah, that was kind of funny how he pulls out a little piece of paper so he can explain the strategy to the other ninjas with him. That, that was kind of funny. But, uh, he, so that, well, that, that guy comes out of the tent, like the tall one that has like a sword over his. Yeah. And then he slices her and she. Yep.

[00:45:24] She appears to die. She appears to die. Right. And that's what sets him off. And we finally get to see the velociraptor. Yeah. Because you only kind of see. Flashes. Flashes of it. Kind of, uh, Jaws revenge. Just the head or maybe just the hands. Or just the claws. Yeah. It's almost like the, that alone in the dark scene where they're having the, the music video and it's just flashes of people. Right. That's kind of the way you always saw it. Yeah. Except for the time, several times he turns into just his, just his hands. Yeah.

[00:45:50] And you can see the rubber gloves that he's wearing that, or you can see where they stop and everything. He's got the contact lenses. So the, that time that he's during the seance when he starts to turn. Yeah. And he's got the stuff on his, like, it's like makeup. Yeah. His veins go crazy. Like I actually thought that was kind of cool. That was cool. It was really fun. And then you see the gloves and you're like, well, that ruined it. But like, but, uh, so talk about now that we see the velociraptor in all of its glory. Let's just call it the velocipastor. Yeah.

[00:46:20] The velocipastor. Okay. So I guess audibly raise your hand. Who thought it was going to be one of those inflatable, like, velociraptor costumes? I totally thought that it was going to be. Yeah. It ended up being way better. That would not have surprised me. No. I kept hoping that they would really honestly rip off Jurassic Park and just steal some footage of maybe closeups of a velociraptor. Of the velociraptor. I was really hoping just do that, cut it in, but they didn't. No.

[00:46:49] Uh, you know, as a lover of dinosaurs a little bit, I will say it didn't look like a velociraptor. What? The hunchback of so. No, I mean, it was more like a hunchback T-Rex. Yeah. We need to talk about the velociraptor's back condition. What was going on? He's got a real hump. Yeah. It was like the person in the costume's head was in the hump and the head and everything was- Leaned forward.

[00:47:19] Leaned forward. And he was, I mean, there was some good action scenes with it. I mean, it wasn't horrible. I bought it. I was there. I was in it. It didn't distract me, but- Did you notice, so there's a, early on in the fight, he bites a guy's arm off, right? Yes. And you can see a hand inside the mouth. I saw it. The actor's hand inside the mouth holding onto the other hand. Oh, I didn't see that, but I guess I was in it.

[00:47:50] Racken's like, wait, that wasn't a real dinosaur. It was real. Come on. It was just like Jurassic Park. No, but then there was, I mean, he's fighting and he did, there was some good action. But at one point I did say, I'm like, what is he doing? Are they playing football? Yeah. They were coming right on the sides of his head. On the field and- He's not really biting anyone. Yeah. I was like, okay. But then he starts, you know, whipping his tail and hitting some people and- Yeah.

[00:48:18] Biting some hands and it was pretty fun. It was great. And then I did like, I did like when the- Kung Fu Master. Kung Fu Master. Oh yeah. Shoes him with the arrow because they had figured out the anti-venom. Because it's an ancient thing. It's an ancient thing. Yeah. Yes. And I really did like the frame over frame. Yeah. It was kind of flashes. Frame of Doug. And he even saw like an outline of a frame. Yeah. Frame of Doug, frame of- Yeah. Frame of Raptor, frame of Doug, frame of Raptor.

[00:48:47] And then he turns into Doug. And I did like that. Yeah. I thought that was kind of a cool effect. Yeah. It was. I liked afterwards though, when he meets Carol in the hospital. Uh huh. And the doctor's like, hey, good news. We were able to save you. Save a girl. You wanna go see her? And he goes in there and he's like, are you okay? And she's like, I'm fine. And then he gets a little bit closer and she's like, I'm fine. And then she's like, come here.

[00:49:15] And so he leans in and she's like, I'm fine. And there's giant block letters on the screen that says, she's fine. And it just lingers for a minute. Well, the great thing is too, is she's coming out of, she's, we're done. We're out of surgery. And she's just like in a regular exam room. Right. Yeah. She's sitting on the, she's got a blood pressure cuff. She's sitting at the tape, the table with the paper that they rip off. Like that you would go and just see your doctor for your regular physical. She's in one of those rooms. Yeah. And.

[00:49:46] I was expecting her to have, you know, announced that she's pregnant. Right. I actually thought that's what she said when she whispered to him. Yeah. Well, the doctor had like a, a head, a band, like a reflector, you know? Yeah. Which I think is usually done for people. Surgery. Well, I thought it was usually for OBGYNs. Oh, isn't it? Who, who inspect and, and deliver. Yeah. It's got like the flash. It's like a headlamp. Yeah. Yeah. That reflects so you can see well. And, and, and then she was on an exam table.

[00:50:15] Like maybe she was going to announce that she was pregnant or I don't know, but that didn't happen. I was half expecting him to go in there and her to be like half raptor. Right. Yeah. Or share the secret, like I'm a raptor now too. I think that. Well, then she didn't. And it's, it was, that doctor is amazing because she got slashed like across her chest, across her chest, but there was no scar. Yeah. Right. He's a plastic surgeon.

[00:50:40] I just love how he came in, grabbed like a used cigarette out of the ashtray and lights it up. Well, the best is that light, that headband lighting falls over his eyes and he just keeps going. He picks it up while he's talking. I love that they use that shot. I know. So dumb. Then he just grabs an old cigarette out of the ashtray and starts smoking. So, uh, we've talked about the low budget of this and we have read lots of stories about

[00:51:08] things that the director did to the film. So this was actually filmed on film, not in digital. Celluloid. Yeah. Yeah. So some of the things that they did is the guy, the director took, he wanted to look like old film from the seventies. So one thing is he took the unexposed film and dragged it all over surfaces in his bathroom that was pitch black, um, to kind of scratch it up. Well, I'm sure it was probably after it was developed. It was pre pre developed.

[00:51:38] It says it was in the pitch black. Oh, okay. Yeah. He did it in the pitch black and just did that, then wrapped it all back up and put it in the machine to expose over top of it. That's what the story says. Uh, the other thing is he put the whole film reels in his oven at 200 degrees for some amount of time to kind of yellow it. For like 10 minutes. Yeah. To age it, to make it older. To age it, yeah. Um, I mean that's dangerous because celluloid is, uh, flammable. Yeah.

[00:52:08] I didn't notice that it particularly looked aged at all. I agree. I don't think, and even the scratching and stuff, there was a little bit of it, but it was almost more like a digital effect because I noticed like the same scratch, like throughout in the same spot, that kind of thing. So I don't know. That might just be a lower that goes with it, but we're also all veterans of going to the movie theater where they use reels. That's right. Yeah. So we've experienced splicing.

[00:52:36] We've experienced holes burning. Yes. So it was just kind of like. There were a couple of shots where it did like a quick splice where it like seemed to skip some frames and everybody just kind of scooted over just a little bit, you know, in the middle of a shot. It was interesting. Yeah. So, uh, for our first film of season five, what do you all think? You guys have any, is this an exceptionally bad movie?

[00:53:04] Does this fit in with, is this the kind of movie we should be watching and should anyone else watch it? Uh, so I'll go first. Mm hmm. So I think I said it earlier. Normally this is not the kind of movie that we would, we would pick up because it's, it's fairly self-aware, but I will say, you know, the other criteria we have is it needs to be earnest. Yes. Um, and preferably just absurd. Yes. It fits. It nails those last two.

[00:53:31] Um, so I would say, yes, it does belong here. It is exceptionally bad. Normally when we see either an extremely low budget movie like Birdemic, it's just hot garbage. Yeah. And it's hard to even have fun in it. They're just terrible, terrible movies. Right. And even some of the movies, the higher budget ones that are comedies just don't land. Right. So even those we don't have fun with. So I was a little concerned that this is going to land on both of those squares. Yes.

[00:53:57] Fortunately, it was self-aware enough, also earnest enough that it skipped over that managed to be funny and earnest and just bizarre and awkward at the same time. So yes, absolutely. Watch it with a friend though. Yeah. Like, I don't know. This is one. It's not going to land the same if you don't have somebody else like looking at you confused like, you saw that. Right? Like I'm not having a fever dream right now. Right? So I would say yes. I would say it's exceptionally bad.

[00:54:28] Definitely see it with a friend. Okay. I am going to just totally second what you just said. Completely agree with all of that. Yeah.

[00:54:45] I would say that one of the things that when you compare it to Birdemic and how that doesn't kill the momentum. It can kill the momentum. This movie does not do that. Nope. At all. It's just kind of, you have a, they're not that long. They're funny.

[00:55:13] And you got like, okay. And you kind of expect it. And well, you don't expect it, but you, you, you, it just flows. Yeah. It just works. This was well done. I want to just, I'll say that, yeah, this movie is exceptionally bad. You should see it. It's enjoyable. It meets, it's checks all the boxes. It's fun. I want to just give props to the actors too, in this movie. We didn't really talk about them.

[00:55:42] I felt like there was good chemistry between the two leads, Carol and, and the priest. What's his name? Doug. I thought they were all, they all like were sincere and going for it. And there was a lot of scenes where there's like blood splattering on their faces and just, you know, they're trying to go over the top and they stay in their character for a long period. You think as a director, I might've just cut it after, you know, a moment, but they just

[00:56:12] stay on their faces for like another 20 seconds and they just keep going and you're like, okay, wow. Wow. And the, the actors, you know, really, I thought were impressive for this, this kind of movie. You know, they're not, they're not in the league of Meryl Streep or, or anything like that, but they were, they were really, really solid in this movie. Very enjoyable. Um, yeah, just no slow scenes. I really, really liked it.

[00:56:40] So, uh, I, we should just say, you know, we didn't talk about the actors. One of the reasons for that is that they, for the most part, they have not done much. Like many of them don't even have a picture on IMDB. Um, some of them, their only credits are Velocipastor and the Velocipastor trailer. Right. Yeah. And, uh, Doug, he's got a few credits. He's been in a few TV shows on single episodes as a guest as cop number two or whatever, you

[00:57:09] know, that kind of thing. But most of them, I mean, we were thinking that the priest, uh, Stuart, Father Stuart was probably the director's father. Cause he's got the last, he's got the same last name. Right. And he's not been in anything other than these. Right. So yeah, I agree with you with the, the acting though. The acting was, was actually really good. Their performances were great. Yeah. I think that's probably why a lot of the jokes, even though there were not that Birdemic was

[00:57:39] jokey, but like, I will say some of like the action or gags kind of stuff. Yeah. Why it works in this one and doesn't work in Birdemic is because they are atrocious actors in Birdemic. In Birdemic. Yeah. Not that, you know, again, nobody's winning Emmys in this. Right. But they were good enough that they sold, like they understood the gag that they were trying to get across. And so they didn't overact it more than they had to. And also didn't underact it. Right. Like they just kind of played it right on the beat. It needed to be.

[00:58:07] The, before we get to Nate, Nate's judgment, the only negative I could say, and this would be very nitpicky or the weakness of the movie was probably the music. It wasn't, um, it wasn't distracting. It wasn't annoying, but it was sometimes just. Sometimes loud. Just not. It, I don't know. It was, it was, it was probably the. Kind of punk ska type. Yeah. It's just the weakest part of the movie. Yeah.

[00:58:36] It wasn't seventies. It was. Yeah. So just the music and maybe a little bit of cinematography, like the camera would follow the, follow a building. I also felt like that was intentionally. I think it was on purpose. I think it was intentionally funny, but sometimes it was just like they'd move out and they move back in and I don't know. It was very funny in some scenes, but then sometimes I thought, ah, and the tone, like sometimes the jokes in the end of the movie weren't consistent, that same tone in the

[00:59:05] front of the movie, but it all worked. It was all funny. So I was like, okay, this is fine. Nate, what do you think? Okay. So, um, I mentioned earlier, like the sound work, there were a few times there were like right now, there were a few times that like you couldn't really hear Carol. Like there were some times that she wasn't mic'd up well, but like she's fine. But to, yeah. Yeah. Well, any, a lot of the closeup things where she's speaking quietly to him, like in her

[00:59:33] bedroom, when she's talking to him, I don't know what she's talking about. Like, uh, but again, that's kind of a nitpick. Um, I, we talked, Brand talked about how like, it's a little, it's self-aware. Like, so some, so to me, I'm like, the reason I feel like it fits on our show is like, I'm not saying they were trying to be army of darkness, but it's like, they were aiming for army of darkness, but they did not hit it. Yeah.

[01:00:00] And, um, which, you know, people who've listened to this, we've learned army darkness is one of my favorite movies. Yes. It's an almost perfect film. Um, uh, but, uh, yeah, there were not enough one liners in this for it to be as good as, as, uh, that, but I, I think of it on the spectrum of other movies we've watched, um, um, with low budget. Uh, I think, I think I have a more favorable opinion of a talking cat than you guys do. Yeah.

[01:00:27] Um, I think that this is the talking cat of this season. Okay. Okay. Well, so far. And, uh, I, I, I think that a talking cat like has very, that this has very similar elements to a talking cat. I would say that the soundtrack in this was not as distracting as a talking cat. That's true. A hundred percent. Uh, cause that wasn't all, um, it wasn't all, what do you call it? Public domain. Yeah. Like a weird, weird cucaracha with a zzzz in it.

[01:00:57] And, um, but, uh, but yeah, there were so many things that were great about this movie. Like I would definitely say it's exceptionally bad. Yeah. I would say, uh, I'm not ready to sit down and watch it again. Like I need a little bit of space, but I would totally watch it again. And like Grant said with a friend. Yeah. Um, and like Bracken said, like it works. Like so many of these things work that, that absurd thread that ties the whole plot together. Yeah.

[01:01:24] Like a lot of these lower budget and bad films we watched don't. Yeah. Like, like, okay. A talking cat. Like that just seemed like a bunch of, I mean, there was the thread of the cat. Right. But even the rules that set up were arbitrary and we're not followed. Didn't make any sense. Like it didn't make any internal logic. This at least had an internal logic that as absurd as it was, it kind of tied everything together.

[01:01:49] And, uh, and I felt like that ending scene, the Chevelle he's standing up against and he's dressed kind of like a greaser. I was like, is this trying to give us like supernatural vibes? Like, I don't, I don't know the car, the brothers drive, but yeah. But it, it felt that way a little bit to me. Like it's trying to capitalize a little bit of the pop culture from the somewhat recent past. Right. Um, but yeah, I would recommend this. It's, it's definitely an exceptionally bad movie. It, it, uh, it does meet our criteria. It is, uh, sorry.

[01:02:18] When Brant was mentioning it at the beginning, like how, why we normally wouldn't do it. It's like, we all went and saw Godzilla versus Kong in the movie theater together. Yes. And I remember at the end we all talked about like, oh, so is this our next movie? And then we're like, well, no, because it's, it knows exactly what it's doing. Yeah. It, it was made for this purpose and it's too well done for that.

[01:02:36] And, um, well, I feel like we have a great discussion about the absurdity of that movie, but, but this, I think still meets our criteria with the lower budget and the earnestness, but yeah, I, it was great. I, I, it was, I think it's a, I think it could be a ringer for the gilded BM this year. Oh yeah. Well, we've got a lot of movies to go. We'll see. And I, I appreciated too, that most movies we either get bored or it's just so weird and they haven't connected things.

[01:03:05] They're just kind of moving through plot points without really tying anything together that we invent bizarro plots. That's right. This one out plotted all of us. That's true. Like nobody saw, nobody saw the brother ninja coming out and like how he's in all the scenes. Like there was just so many things that was like, I was genuinely surprised and delighted that I was like, that's where we're going right now. Yeah. We didn't have time to come up with our own. Right. No, I didn't. To be honest, this movie was picked, I think because of the length. Yeah. It's an hour and 11 minutes.

[01:03:35] 71 minutes. It's not a big commitment. It's pretty fun. Yeah. I mean, it just keeps going. And it's about the right length. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. It was, it was just the right length. So, uh, I agree with all of you all on this. Um, I consider it exceptionally bad. Um, this is, uh, to be honest, this is a movie that, because it has been in my recommended for a long time. Um, you know, the algorithms know me better than I know myself. Right. Mm-hmm .

[01:04:03] I started watching this and I got just past the VFX car. Yeah. And I realized that, oh, it's self-aware. And so then I was like, oh, this is not going to fit in the film. And I didn't watch any past that. Right. Um, I'm so I really saw it for the first time with you all. And it's this magical thing. Like what Brant has already said.

[01:04:27] It's this magical thing where it is both aware of itself, but also fails, but also succeeds at failing. And it's almost like they were aware of themselves and they did it so well that they did it so poorly that they did it so well. Like, I don't know. It's like, the task failed successfully. Yes. Right. I mean, it's like, it's like, it's, it's the rare thing where they're trying for something

[01:04:55] and they hit it and not necessarily because of their skill. Right. A lot of it is because of their weakness. Right. Stumbled into it instead of, yeah, they stumbled into it and they did it. And it turns out to be very entertaining. That's one of the things with this season, with choosing ones that are recommended to us and our own recommendations. We're hoping that we get fun movies and not, not ones that are so painful to watch. At least some of us will enjoy them.

[01:05:25] Right. Whoever it is being recommended. Right. So I'm really looking forward to all my show tunes and romance and K dramas. Another, another fun thing I think about this season for listeners is like, is that you could watch it, you know? Yeah. Right. Like when we watched Freaked, good luck guy. Good luck listeners. Trying to find that one. Rhinestone. Yeah. Right. You know, so, but it's like, oh, this was on Amazon prime. So anyone who's got Amazon, you could.

[01:05:54] Or actually you could probably watch free V even without Amazon. Maybe. I think free V is available to anyone. Absolutely. Watch on free V though. That was, that was value add. Normally I don't like, I don't like advertisements in my movies, but I think every time it came on, we all started laughing. Yes. It was funny. Or was it add value? Oh, and I thought I was in marketing. All right.

[01:06:22] Well, that's good for our first show of the season. Where can people find us? The guys at exceptionally bad. Yeah. Our Instagram is at exceptionally bad. Our website is the guy, I'm sorry, exceptionally bad.com. Yeah. And that's all we have. That's it. That's all. You can also send us mail to Danny. Yeah. His address is. His address is. Make sure if you enjoy the episode, make sure to tell a friend and let them know that

[01:06:51] they should listen to our podcast as well. Smash that like button. Thank you for listening guys. Leave a comment. All right. We'll catch you all in the next one. I could fight evil. It could be bad. It takes evil to fight evil. Bad movies with your friends.

[01:07:20] That was terrible. Can we fix that in post? Can we fix that in post? You don't ever know that you need to do this. Thanks for listening to the episode. Let's see if you have a little boy. We'll get a bit of a chain on the map.